Pure and simple as a hammer to the forebrain


Spock Center for Intergalactic Journalism Established
2002-04-19 15:29:41

If bodybuilding is an art, some of the people on this list would qualify as surrealists.
-- Quaker State Tapioca Rupture


The Communications Department of the University of Texas at El Paso is getting a new Center for Communications Studies... named after Mr. Spock. For some reason, however, all the stories I've seen on this insist on referring to him as "Sam Donaldson".

It's a great idea; Spock would make an excellent journalist. Using his powers of Vulcan logic to sort out active leads and parse difficult subject matter, and his ability to administer a paralyzing nerve pinch to anyone who would dare to fuck with his First Amendment right to gather and report the news, Spock would and should be a damn Edward R. Murrow for our times. So it only makes sense that UTEP is bestowing this honor upon him and encouraging generations of future journalists to follow the Spock Path.

I just don't understand this "Donaldson" business. Click on that link down there and look at that Spock picture. Spock eyebrows. Spock ears. Impassive Spock muscle tensions in his Spock face. It's Spock. Who the fuck is Sam Donaldson?

Maybe I could understand, though, if Spock were a little wary of exposing himself fully to the Humans. The last time Spock landed on this planet, if I remember correctly, he was forced to dress up like a hippie and cavort lovingly with sperm whales in a disgusting display of late-20th Century political correct egozap by the powers that be. Yeah, if I were Spock I would probably pick someone bland and anonymous like this "Sam Donaldson" character to hide my real identity behind.

Wait! I've just done a little checking, and it turns out that this "Sam Donaldson" person is, in actuality, Extremely Weird and prone to random fits of public gurgling. I have to wonder just what Spock is up to. I'm sure it must be some sort of plot, but, hell, I'm no Vulcan, so I can't keep up with that sort of high-order logic processing.

Let's just hope it doesn't involve whales or William Shatner.

Over.  End of Story.  Go home now.


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