I want to kill bugs, sir!


A funny prank you can play on eToys!!!
1999-12-18 02:58:20

Special Ideas
Beaujolais, baby!
-- Ratsnatcher


Hey kids! Here's a fun game you can play that's creative, funny, subversive -- and radical! What's wackier than writing your own scatological commentary to accompany pictures of toys? Stealing the pictures!

And it's all for a good cause...

If you haven't heard, the internet is at war with eToys, for bullying a European arts group that had a similar name. eToys mouthed some corporate mumbo jumbo about the importance of defending their trademark's good will yadda yadda blowjob yadda...but they really just wanted to swat the little guys with their big bad lawyers.

So in retaliaton, geeks are trying to overload eToys servers during the crucial week before Christmas. Imagine the giddy thrill of tweaking your HTML so the images are loading from the corporate bad guy's site!!! Fat cats are leaning back in their upholstered leather chairs, smirking "If you're a faceless retailer, there's no better way to celebrate Christmas than by crushing an arts group." And all the while, your page is siphoning off their bandwidth!

Try something like this...

Hi, I'm Jack Valenti! President of the Motion Picture Association of America.

Corporate entertainment is very important. I'd like you to meet some of my friends.

You know that dream you have -- where you're trying to run over Barbie, but you just can't kill her? I wake up cold and sweaty. It gave me my idea for my next R-rated action film!

Barbie rampages through the city, wreaking havok and terror in an attractive wardrobe. She stops traffic -- literally!

Aw, who am I kidding. I have a fetish for large women. There! I said it!

Years of sublimating any real sexuality to the artificial constraints of an R-rating have left me sterile and withered. And that's where eToys comes in...

"Here at eToys, the cold, hard precision of numbers creates a mathematical substitute for human emotion. If the number of dollars people give us reaches a certain amount, it substitutes for "happy"! And if the number of dollars investors give you is grossly inflated, it substitutes for "arrogant!" Our public renunciation of concepts like art and human decency assure investors we're capable of remorselessly commidifying the human experience."

And that's where you come in! By purchasing our pale substitutes for an imaginative, entertaining product, you enable us to fulfill our mission of mass-producing "joy" units.

If you know what I mean.

And I think you do.

The MPAAA, eToys, Barbie, and you -- what a team!

"I am the whore of Babylon."

Did you say that, or did the voices in my head? Remember: fetishes are caused by sublimating rage, sexuality, and human emotion.

Shop eToys!

Give it a title like "Hey, eToys" -- and then forward the URL to as many people as you can. Hell, forward the web page! As long as the HTML code gives the address of the images on eToys' site, you'll be fighting the good fight every time someone looks at it!

C'mon, surely something funny to say comes to mind when you see this image...

Or this image....

HAW HAW HAW! Take that eToys!

Over.  End of Story.  Go home now.


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