Pure and simple as a hammer to the forebrain

     
 

French Leapfrog U.S. with Amazing New Toilet Technology
2002-05-13 22:35:26


Special Ideas
 
i should probably reiterate that this whole thing is probably a delusion. if it continues in my head i may write a spy novel.
-- Sylvia

 

The French are known for having unique ideas about bathroom hygiene. They invented and still use bidets, now recognized by environmentalists as a superior, earth-friendly solution. Now the French toilet industry has leapfrogged its U.S. counterpart with an amazing toilet that cleans itself.

It's about time someone invented this. Why the fuck am I still getting down on my hands and knees and cleaning my toilet by hand? This is fantastic! It brings me one step closer to my ultimate dream of TOTAL CONVENIENCE. I want one in every room.

The only thing that bothers me is that the French invented it first. This is further proof that America is losing ground in the vital restroom technology sector. The writing has been on the wall ever since the EPA brought new restrictions on flush volume into law during the 1990's. The new toilets, with their pitiful little flushes, were a flop. Consumers held on to their trusty old 3 gallon flushers, or worse bought black market toilets smuggled in over the Canadian border. Consolidation and outsourcing to India further decimated the American toilet R&D community. Today there is not a single opening for Toilet Design Engineer on the Monster.com national job listings.

The manufacturer of this supertoilet even has a pictorial layout of the installation procedure at "Harry's New York Bar" in Paris. Why do you think they chose this particular location to feature on their webpage? The not-so-subtle insinuation is that American bars have horrible, bile-churning toilet hygeine. I'm simultaneously offended by these French swine, yet quietly envious of their bars' sweet-smelling, self-disinfecting, perfectly round toilet bowls. Damn those French!

Over.  End of Story.  Go home now.

kabdriver@pigdog.org


comments powered by Disqus
 
     

 

C L A S S I C   P I G D O G

Please Continue...
by Baron Earl

Absinthia: The Pigdog Interview
by El Snatcher, Mr. Bad

Solex vs. the Pigdog
by The Compulsive Splicer

Brother Wayne Lays Down the Truth
by Flesh

03-30

Flesh

Alex Jones Admits To Being Psychotic.

03-30

Flesh

Alex Jones Throws Temper Tantrum After Being Laughed At.

03-30

Flesh

So what's the time? It's time to get ill! Alex Jones Smokes Some Kind. Gets Really Paranoid

03-23

El Destino

The Las Vegas Strip now has robot bartenders

03-06

Poindexter Fortran

University of California special collections: now with more Hunter S. Thompson

02-15

Baron Earl

Amazing hand-stitched scenes from DUNE

01-17

Baron Earl

Contributions to Top Dark Money Spenders

01-11

Baron Earl

CES claims dildo is not a robot

01-11

Baron Earl

Rep. Steve King wonders how the phrase "white supremacist" became "offensive"

09-29

El Destino

Zeitgeist's Legendary 'Tamale Lady' Dies Just Weeks Before Opening Her Long-Awaited Restaurant

More Quickies...