Build Date: Thu Apr 25 01:10:06 2024 UTC
Don't ever accuse me of been sensible. EVER.
-- Johnnie Royale
Goddammit! Where's the Info On Mozillur Party 4.0?
2001-03-25 16:46:28
What the hell is going on over there at Mozillur Central? How come there's been no announcement for the next Mozillur Dot Party? How come why why why?
Seriously, this is a crisis of epic proportions. Somebody has to do something! The Mozilla project -- jeez, man, do I have to say what Mozillur is? The Open Source version of Netscape and all that? The big hoohaw of 1998? -- has been having these great parties around April 1st for the last 3 years running. April 1st, of course, being the day that the Navigator source was first opened up to the prying eyes of the public.
Anyways, they're real good parties! I always get seriously liquored up, and SMRL always makes a big showing. People love our crazy lab coats, and everyone dances like drunken bears, and there's lots of nerdos and geeks, and man, party central. There may be better parties in the world, but there's no Free Software party like Mozillur Dot Party, guarandamnteed.
So, like, though, there's been this strange silence from the Mozillur corner. WHY isn't there a new announcement for another party this year, which would be like 4.0 party or something? Frankly, the parties are the only thing worth a good goddamn at Mozilla any more. They should stick to what they're good at -- throwing big-ass parties -- and quit fucking around with this browser thing. It's going nowhere, nobody likes it, it looks like shite, and it doesn't work. Make parties instead! is my suggestion. Get out of the browser business.
OK, actually, the latest Mozilla builds have been pretty dead-on. I can quibble with a lot of stuff -- like, say, the XFPE, which is completely retarded and broken, the world's biggest waste of time and effort -- but the thing seems to work pretty OK. However, there are some cool Mozillur derivatives, expecially Skipstone and Galeon, which use the Mozillur rendering engine, Geckur, without the retarded XML UI. Man, I'm sure an XML UI seemed like a really good idea in 1998, but we all now know that XML is dumb and useless. XML UI! It is to laugh! How about a CICS UI instead? HAW!
Actually, I've probably just lowered my standards to meet Mozilla's current ability, which if you think about it, is pretty fucking sad. I mean, I never have had that much respect for browser implementations to begin with, so lowering my already dismissive standards is just pathetic. So, but, like, Mozilla is seriously stuck in the mud, everybody hates Mozillur and picks on them and calls them shitheels. But that is NO REASON to abandon their CORE COMPETENCY, which is throwing a damn good party. If they think morale is bad with the current state of affairs, what do they think is going to happen when there ain't no Mozillur Dot Party anymore? What kind of message does that send? "We used to be all excited, now we're hopeless losers trudging in a death march towards a 1.0 release no one is ever going to use"? Who wants to hear that?
Have a party, Mozillur people! Keerist! Quit feeling sorry for yourselves, ya pansies, and let's set this house on fire.
T O P S T O R I E S
In 2010 Dr. Cheng-Huai Ruan discovered a way to cause a patient with an abnormal heartbeat to get back into a normal rhythm by sticking a finger up the patient's ass. (More...)
WKRP in Cincinnati aired from 1978 through 1982. Howard Hesseman played Dr. Johnny Fever, a DJ from Los Angeles who was fired from his previous job for saying the word "booger" on the air. In the show Hesseman would do some dialogue, introduce a song, and start the song. You'd hear a few notes, but never the whole song. (More...)
SF Hippies Can't Get Their Act Together
The annual 420 Hippie Hill event in Golden Gate Park, where large crowds of hippies, wannabe hippies, and hippie poseurs drape themselves in tie dye t-shirts and gather on a hill on 4/20 to smoke weed, was cancelled this year because the organizers couldn't get their act together. (More...)
Mozart to be inducted into the Rock 'n Roll Hall of Fame
Joining such hard-rocking inductees as Abba, Chet Atkins, Nat King Cole, and Neil Diamond, the Rock 'n Roll Hall of Fame is proud to induct Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart. (More...)
Gary Busey definitely involved in a hit and run accident
Gary Busey was definitely involved in a hit-and-run accident, but won't face any charges because he's rich and famous. (More...)
Gary Busey allegedly involved in Malibu hit-and-run
"Sir! You hit my car! I need your information!" the woman yelled at Gary Busey driving a battered Volvo station wagon before he sped off. (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
Our team of crack journalists went insane, and made the drive from Concord, California to Concord, New Hasmpshire on Interstate 80. Read the insightful observations of our intrepid travelers made on their journey into the heartland. (More...)
An innocent trip to the Central Market resulted in a severe attack of arachnophobia (and a meal) when a depraved street kid set her vicious pet spider on an unsuspecting shopper. (More...)
A Day in the Life of a Beverotologist
It was starting to look like a very boring Saturday, trapped as I was in the suburban wastelands of the outer Bay Area, so I called my Able Assistant (AA) and proposed that we perform some Spocktail field tests. For some time I've been working on creating the quintessential cinematic beverage and even tho' SMRL does most of its testing during nocturnal hours, this seemed an opportune time to roll up the sleeves of our labcoats and get some science done. While the beverotology creation tested this day (The Neurotoxin) must be deemed a success, this article focuses more the journey of the experimenters, rather then the science of beverotology. (More...)
The Walken / Country Bear Conspiracy
As has been recently reported in the PDJ, Christopher Walken, evil s00per villain extraordinaire, will be appearing next month in Disney's newest release, The Country Bear Movie. Always playing some wicked and very disturbed badass in movies like Sleepy Hollow, Illuminata, The Prophecy I, II, III, Pulp Fiction, Batman Returns, The Milagro Beanfield War, A View to a Kill, The Dogs of War, Heaven's Gate, and The Deer Hunter, Walken is unsuprisingly a big favorite in the PDJ news room. (More...)
Patient Joab's scientifick editorial discusses aspect of the space-time-beer continuum never before processed by sub-bush-robot minds!!! Too fabulantastic to contempulate! (More...)
This week: another fine spocktail from the beverage researchers at SMRL! Drink it in peace, because WE DID THE RESEARCH! (More...)
