Bill Gates explains
2000-06-08 18:21:11
The internet celebrates the DOJ's decision against Microsoft -- by re-reading Bill Gates' 1998 testimony!
At least, that's what I did! Perfect hindsight now shows us Gates appears to saying to the government, "Please spank me, I've been very bad." At one point, the DOJ's lawyer, who was reported to be one of the toughest cross-examiners in the country, referred the Microsoft executive to an executive's memo to Gates urging Microsoft to continue its jihad against one of its competitors. You know you're in trouble when the prosecutor asks you coyly, "Do you know what he means by 'jihad'?"
Gates answered gamely "I think he is referring to our vigorous efforts to make a superior product and to market that product."
But the judge didn't really start laughing until Gates was grilled on Microsoft's plans to begin "pissing on" Java.
Gates: "I don't know if he's referring to pissing on JFC, or pissing on JDK 1.2! [Er,] nor do I know what he specifically means by 'pissing on'."
Ziff-Davis reported that Gates was then asked (facetiously) if he thought the phrase was a Microsoft code-word used for saying kind words about one's competitors...
Commemorate the day geeks have waited for for years. They always knew Microsoft was anti-competitive. But could they get a U.S. judge to side with them?
Thanks to Bill Gates' testimony, the answer was yes!

T O P S T O R I E S
The Crossroads are real and The Blues is a place; The enduring myth of Robert Johnson (More...)
California Glory Hole attracts huge crowds
A glory hole at Napa's Lake Berryessa is drawing huge crowds. According to Chris Lee, the general manager for the Solano County Water Agency, the glory hole hasn't been active since 2019, and only restarted operations on Feb 4. (More...)
Republican State Senator busted after soliciting a teenage girl
Republican State Senator Justin Eichorn of Minnesota was arrested for soliciting a teen girl on Monday just hours after he introduced a bill proposing "Trump derangement syndrome" (TDS) as a form of mental illness. (More...)
Parents claim measles is not that bad after having only one child die
The parents of a Texas girl who died from the measles are defending their decision not to vaccinate their daughter. "She says they would still say 'Don't do the shots,'" an unidentified translator for the parents said. "They think it’s not as bad as the media is making it out to be." (More...)
Delusional rich man tries to fire town staff
"I'm mayor now" said write-in mayoral candidate and founder of Pirate’s Booty Snacks Robert Ehrlich after losing the election for Mayor of Sea Cliff, NY. Then he tried to take over the Village Hall and fire everyone. (More...)
Musk claims Xitter security is staffed by idiots
Earlier this month Xitter experienced a massive outage. In an interview, Musk told Fox Business that he believes the attack came from "IP addresses originating in the Ukraine area." (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
NASA's Mars missions keep blowing up and crashing, but dammit, when you reach for the stars you have to expect a few minor setbacks. Drink a toast to the men and women of NASA! Toast them with a Lost Probe mixed up with your own two (or three) hands! (More...)
The Peppermill Is Not Good For You
Paradise lounge on the strip. Expense it, bad boy! (More...)
Songs Of Love And Special Things
Well, dear reader, there's no denying it: Spring has sprung. The air is pungent with the fertile aroma of Romance. And you know what goes with Romance, don't you? That's right, Lover, porn. And not just any porn, but the kind you can sing along to. (More...)
It was early in May last year when I first heard about Spock Mountain Research Labs. I was working on a story about a Hungarian scientist's new approach to nucleopeptide synthesis when I got a call from my friend Albert. (More...)
It was New Year's Eve and I wanted a signature drink I could hand to my guests. Something that they would accept with no fuss, drink quickly, and then want another. A drink simple enough that I could explain the recipe quickly -- thereby annointing each new guest as a bartender capable of making the drink -- and freeing me to enjoy myself. So I created The MAN-tini... (More...)
Paranoid Strippers & Psychotic Crack Dealers (Tales of Christmas Eve)
Christmas day, for the last 17 or so years has bored me. I find that the real fun and excitement always takes place on Christmas Eve. Every other year, it's the excitement of the metaphorical hunt instead of the kill. Otherwise, it's just plain bad craziness. (More...)