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Bad German porn games!
2000-06-15 13:38:58


Sappy Christmas Shit
 
I know it's terribly outre to imply that the constitution and its amendments might actually mean what they say. I apologize. I'm just a simple man.
-- P A U L

 

Leave it to the Germans to create Santa Claus pornography. Explore new frontiers of online perversion by searching the web for "erotic games" -- and you'll discover that German programmers have devised something even more demented...

"Zurück zum Spiel," invites the text below 16 tantalizing squares. Each one hides a Christmas-themed picture. Pamela Lee Anderson beside a giant candy cane. A stern, dark-haired frau in a red-and-white "Santa's helper" cap. A model sitting across the lap of some dweeb in a Santa suit...

But wait! If you match two identical pictures by clicking the right squares, you get a cheesy caption telling the story behind it! "The aids of Santa Claus, who 'internal coworker', monitor the smooth operational sequence, whom we otherwise never get ground connection citizens to face." It seems exotic in a foreign language -- but obsessive porn freaks won't be able to resist asking the robo-translator at AltaVista's BabelFish for one of its surreal bungled translations.

"In the gift packing factory for days hard one operates. There is not a work council..."

"Here IN the dwarf with the work...."

In Germany, a woman in a red skirt looking sternly at a dwarf is apparently enough to be considered erotic. It's Christmas in Berlin, and you're a programmer looking to punch someone's buttons. You follow this simple rule: porn without nudity isn't porn -- unless...it's really kinky!

The German fetish-fest comes courtesy of " MAX - Das Lifestylemagazin." If you want a real porn game, click here to match up their topless photos of eight blondes on a beach.

But then you won't get to see the dwarf...

Over.  End of Story.  Go home now.

jared@pigdog.org


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