Build Date: Thu Jul 30 04:30:05 2026 UTC
The Library of Short Russian Novels is the smallest library ever.
-- Master Squid
Shipley Misses Sex Less Than Expected
1998-11-22 11:44:00
Omni Development president Wil Shipley finds the most difficult part of his break-up with net-celebrity Kim Rollins is her unavailability for conversation. Shipley expressed surprise in an on-line essay. "I always assumed that the hardest thing would be the no sex...."
Day Five of Shipley's on-line journal sheds new light on his ongoing recovery process. Shipley also reports watching the new Star Wars trailer with "the guys" four times, once frame-by-frame. "[A]lthough sadness was always with me, I could feel other emotions as well. Oh thank god."
The ninth journal entry since Tuesday seems to indicate Shipley's condition has improved somewhat. "After being in hell, purgatory just seems so nice," Shipley writes. "Last night, just before I fell asleep, I could feel happiness waiting for me at the end of all this...."
"Of course, that may have been the Zoloft talking."
A doctor prescribed the anti-depressant for Shipley earlier this week -- and Shipley has noticed a tangible improvement in his mood. "I haven't had a real panic attack since yesterday at about 5 p.m., which is a record." Which he credits to Rollins' final departure, his resolution to be strong for her -- and Zoloft. Ms. Rollins made a final visit to retrieve her cat Friday evening at 10:30 p.m.
Still, Shipley notes that this new-found optimism has its limits. "If I think about forever without her, it's curl-up-in-a-fetal-ball-panting time." In fact, after taking a three-hour nap Saturday, the panic returned. "It's not fair -- there wasn't a catalyst, unless napping causes panic."
A supplemental paragraph on why "Panic sucks" is also included in the on-line journal -- along with memories of his years with Rollins. "[O]ne year she bought a pack of Lion King Valentine's cards and made them all out to me and scattered them around for me to find." Now Shipley faces a series of painful if-only's.
For example: "If only I had started this drug earlier, I wouldn't have been so bitter and scared of life and completely wrapped up in my own neurosis, and I could have been a real partner to her."
T O P S T O R I E S
America's National Recording Registry Inducts Culturally Significant Artist - Weezer!
America's Library of Congress calls them "defining sounds of history and culture" and "audio treasures worthy of preservation for all time based on their cultural, historical or aesthetic importance in the nation’s recorded sound heritage." Ladies and gentlemen, I give you... Weezer! (More...)
The Crossroads are real and The Blues is a place; The enduring myth of Robert Johnson (More...)
California Glory Hole attracts huge crowds
A glory hole at Napa's Lake Berryessa is drawing huge crowds. According to Chris Lee, the general manager for the Solano County Water Agency, the glory hole hasn't been active since 2019, and only restarted operations on Feb 4. (More...)
Republican State Senator busted after soliciting a teenage girl
Republican State Senator Justin Eichorn of Minnesota was arrested for soliciting a teen girl on Monday just hours after he introduced a bill proposing "Trump derangement syndrome" (TDS) as a form of mental illness. (More...)
Parents claim measles is not that bad after having only one child die
The parents of a Texas girl who died from the measles are defending their decision not to vaccinate their daughter. "She says they would still say 'Don't do the shots,'" an unidentified translator for the parents said. "They think it’s not as bad as the media is making it out to be." (More...)
Delusional rich man tries to fire town staff
"I'm mayor now" said write-in mayoral candidate and founder of Pirate’s Booty Snacks Robert Ehrlich after losing the election for Mayor of Sea Cliff, NY. Then he tried to take over the Village Hall and fire everyone. (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
About 14 years ago when I was on a road trip and stopped in Seattle, I was invited to a party. At this party there were these little tiny glasses sitting in a flat-bottomed bowl of ice. Thin cylinders about an inch in diameter and 4 inches tall, with thick glass at the bottom. Into these were poured frozen AKVAVIT... also known as the water of life. (More...)
During a magnificent sunny day in a fast receding autumn, the Spock Science Monitor reporters once again blew the playa dust off of their computers and covered the 2002 Burning Man Decompression – held every year just east of Portola Hill in beautiful San Francisco. Both an afternoon and evening issues were released to the unsuspecting crowd of freaks attempting to in some small way experience the euphoria of the playa – if but for a brief afternoon far from the desolation of Northern Nevada. (More...)
A Day in the Life of a Beverotologist
It was starting to look like a very boring Saturday, trapped as I was in the suburban wastelands of the outer Bay Area, so I called my Able Assistant (AA) and proposed that we perform some Spocktail field tests. For some time I've been working on creating the quintessential cinematic beverage and even tho' SMRL does most of its testing during nocturnal hours, this seemed an opportune time to roll up the sleeves of our labcoats and get some science done. While the beverotology creation tested this day (The Neurotoxin) must be deemed a success, this article focuses more the journey of the experimenters, rather then the science of beverotology. (More...)
It was early in May last year when I first heard about Spock Mountain Research Labs. I was working on a story about a Hungarian scientist's new approach to nucleopeptide synthesis when I got a call from my friend Albert. (More...)
Three Days and 25 Spocktails: A Cautionary Tale
Johnnie Royale picked me up from the dental surgery. I felt warm, safe, cradled in the anathesia's loving embrace. The pharmacy downstairs gave me a bottle of Vicodin and a few instructions: take it with food, don't mix with alcohol, don't operate heavy machinery. I put it in my pocket and we left. "Do you want to go home, or do you want to go to a bar?" asked Johnnie. (More...)
My dear and close friend, Porn Maven Shannon Mariemont, sent me a titillating message the other day about her new project: the PornOrchestra. Her desire, at most, is to reinvent the porn soundtrack and, at least, to receive a cease-and-desist order like all her cool friends did last year. (More...)
