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If your 87 year old Aunt Edna all of a sudden started handing out fresh tabs of acid, would you complain about how embarrasing and un-hip Edna is with her rocking chair and Alzheimers n' all, or would you just shut up and enjoy this unexpected bounty...
-- Patient Joab

Raw Democracy : Yesterday Edition

by Dr. Lola T'Pola

2011-03-13 22:58:00

Secretary of State Hilary Clinton railed about crappy news yesterday at a congressional hearing. "Don't you know that Al Jazeera has the best real news anywhere?" (she forgot to mention the Daily Show, maybe because it's technically not news, even though it is, just like the Onion can be about the real-est news if you can reverse-engineer the stories adequately). She pointed out many flaws in American news media: talking heads, no real news, unbelievable, useless, crazy shit. She did not comment on what should be done about it.

For the record, she also does not approve the use of Psy Ops (psychological operations) against random members of Congress. Thinks we should use more Black Ops against tyranny, though, for sure. All those fuckers taking down the Internets should be the very first targets. Then the assholes who are messing with my reproductive rights. Then the people who still fight a drug war.

In other radio news, a super rad (as in cool, not radical) Utah environmentalist (eco-activist Tim DeChristopher) was convicted yesterday of two counts of "obstruction" or some crap. What happened is that the Bush Administration made a devil deal with the Bureau of Land Management (those people who decide every year if Burning Man goes on or not, after pocketing several hundred thousand dollars for the dry lake bed's use and subsequent clean-up oversight).

You'll all remember that the Republicans got trounced in the 2008 elections. Well, the Bushes never forgive a transgression, plus they sleep with people in the oil and power industries. This is relevant because right before Obama came to power, George W. organized a land auction to sell gazillions of acres of federal lands for private resource raping and pillaging. The plan was to get the devil deals in right under the wire, like those last few bullshit appointments and amnesties the power crazy unleash in wanton bridge burning.

Back to our story. Some passionate environmental crazies decided to crash the auction, hoping they might get arrested and cause a stink. Well, the auction people mistake main activist guy for a bidder. So guess what he did... and why he might go to prison for ten years.

He bid on some land. Twelve parcels. Then he got cut off when the organizers realized he wasn't one of the old, fat gray guys who usually make such deals. Still he won the land he won, went and talked to a bunch of cool people and raised enough money in a very short period that he was able to initiate a payment to BLM.

"No! You can’t pay us for that land! You couldn’t really win because you never intended to go along with the program. It’s obvious that you were just trying to disrupt the process."

"But we were going to pay, your honor."

"Doesn't matter. And counsel, let’s not mention any of the irrelevant issue of whether the land would be paid for. It will just confuse the jury."

Later... Sequestered... Two counts, ten years. Our intrepid activist organizes a rally.

"Yes, it seems inevitable that I am going to prison. But that is just part of this job... the job of building a world for our children. To achieve that vision, many more will have to join me."

You bad people are getting pwn'd and you don't even know it. I laugh at you. Don't you dare turn off my Internet.

Over.  End of Story.  Go home now.

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