Build Date: Fri Mar 29 13:40:05 2024 UTC
Sid gets 10 points for accuracy and 10 for style. But I bet the French judge only gives her 8.
-- Lenny from Canadia
The POWER of IDEAS
1999-10-28 12:20:41
Jeez, man. It's all about GIMMICKS in this big ol' crazy dot-com feverish world. But I got to say that I think WIMMIN'S SITES are, like, the weirdest gimmick of all.
Curiosity got the best of me and I just checked out this weirdo CHICKMAIL free email Web site that you've probably seen tons of banner ads for all over the Web (banner ads -> they have money). The ads and the graphics are REALLY FUNKY and chicky, with lots of NOSE RINGS and BELLY BUTTON TATTOOS and that kind of shit. They look like LEVI'S SILVERTAB ADS with fatter, sassier girls.
But, what is CHICK MAIL? What is so superbly fantastically CHICK-LIKE about this mail service? I went and signed up for a chickmail.com free email account (send me mail at MisterBad@chickmail.com), and except for a few bits of navitorial along the lines of "You go, Girl!" and "Right on, Sister!" there was zero difference from any other Web email service.
I'm not a woman, but if I was I think I would kind of be insulted by this type of site. Like, as if REGULAR Web email is TOO HARD for GURLZ, and they get all fuddled up in their pritty little heads and make attractive frowny faces and sometimes break a nail on the keyboard. But CHICKMAIL is DIFFERENT, because it's EASIER for CHICKS, with a safe and supportive system for women to use the Web, like a birdcage for delicate and easily-flustered pigeons.
Surprisingly, this is not necessary. It's been proven that REAL WOMEN can use COMPUTERS with FAIR to GOOD competency, even outside of a laboratory environment. Many can actually sit down at a computer and get ACTUAL WORK done, without accidentally reformatting their hard drive or poking themselves in the eye with the keyboard or pressing the wrong button and ordering 10,000,000 copies of Infinite Jest from amazon.com. There are even rumors of FEMALE COMPUTER PROFESSIONALS who build computers, write software, and do tech support for THOUSANDS of other people -- some of them men! Hard to believe, isn't it?
So, I dunno. It seems dumb to me, but that could be because I'm a GUY. I guess the deal is that if you come up with a GIMMICK, no matter how FLIMSY, you should pretty much run with it. Well, OK. Whatever. Chickmail, you go, girl!
T O P S T O R I E S
Mozart to be inducted into the Rock 'n Roll Hall of Fame
Joining such hard-rocking inductees as Abba, Chet Atkins, Nat King Cole, and Neil Diamond, the Rock 'n Roll Hall of Fame is proud to induct Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart. (More...)
Gary Busey definitely involved in a hit and run accident
Gary Busey was definitely involved in a hit-and-run accident, but won't face any charges because he's rich and famous. (More...)
Gary Busey allegedly involved in Malibu hit-and-run
"Sir! You hit my car! I need your information!" the woman yelled at Gary Busey driving a battered Volvo station wagon before he sped off. (More...)
Health and Human Services officials spend a year on pot
After a yearlong, comprehensive, thorough, complete investigation into the effects of marijuana usage, Health and Human Services (HHS) officials recommended that it be moved from Schedule I of the Controlled Substances Act to Schedule III, meaning that the HHS no longer considers cannabis to be a drug with high abuse potential and no medical value. (More...)
If you've ever wondered what actual bullshit looks like, just check the back side of Lee Meyers' decommissioned police cruiser. Lee chopped the top of the passenger side of the car off so he could take his full-grown Watusi bull, named Howdy Doody, for joy rides around his home town of Neligh, Nebraska. Since the car doesn't have bathroom facilities Howdy Doody just craps all over the back and side of the car whenever he feels the need to let one go. (More...)
Self-righteous assholes block highway to Burning Man
A group of self-righteous assholes converted exactly zero people to their cause by blocking the highway to Burning Man this week. The group, which used a flimsy trailer, some lengths of chain, and a few folding chairs to block the road, put up signs including "Burners of the World Unite," but none of the burners stopped in traffic wanted to unite with them for anything. (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
Hooray! At long last, a NEW Spocktail of the Week! Kid-tested, mother-approved! (More...)
Skunk School -- Learn Why Not To Keep Skunks As Pets
There is an alarming trend in pet purchasing habits this fall. People inspired by the WWII film, "Life is Beautiful" -- the one with that annoying Italian guy -- are buying descented skunks by the millions. (More...)
It's not like I have a heroin problem, see. I'm just a self-indulgent brat who likes to live beyond her means. When I zip down to my corner Money Mart for a little cash-till-payday loan, I'm really not planning to spend it on drugs. I'll spend it on sushi. Seventy bucks of interest for a two-week $400 loan is perfectly reasonable, if you really need that hamachi. (More...)
First there was the Bloody Mary: Vodka, Tomato Juice, Worcestershire sauce, some spices, and celery. We drank it, and it was good. Then any drink with tomato juice got a prefix of "bloody" attached to it. We drank them, and they were mostly bad. Now Pigdog gets back to basics and introduces The Bloody Dog, a drink with REAL BLOOD in it. HUMAN BLOOD. (More...)
Report from Spiritual Machines
Arkuat gives you the inside scoop on the "Spiritual Machines" panel and conclave. Wacky excitement ensues! (More...)
Grow better illegal mushrooms than lousy "Psilocybe fanaticus"
Disclaimer: PaoTzu's a1 illegal mushroom cultivation cookbook is meant for educational purposes only. Be aware of the techniques used by hardcore criminals! Protect your children! Read, learn, educate. Do not try this at home. (More...)