Build Date: Sun Jun 15 16:03:50 2025 UTC
I realized at some point that I would have to give up either drinking or driving. It was a very easy decision to make. The next day somebody offered me 1000 dollars for my car. I spent it on food and drinks.
-- Ocha Ha
The POWER of IDEAS
1999-10-28 12:20:41
Jeez, man. It's all about GIMMICKS in this big ol' crazy dot-com feverish world. But I got to say that I think WIMMIN'S SITES are, like, the weirdest gimmick of all.
Curiosity got the best of me and I just checked out this weirdo CHICKMAIL free email Web site that you've probably seen tons of banner ads for all over the Web (banner ads -> they have money). The ads and the graphics are REALLY FUNKY and chicky, with lots of NOSE RINGS and BELLY BUTTON TATTOOS and that kind of shit. They look like LEVI'S SILVERTAB ADS with fatter, sassier girls.
But, what is CHICK MAIL? What is so superbly fantastically CHICK-LIKE about this mail service? I went and signed up for a chickmail.com free email account (send me mail at MisterBad@chickmail.com), and except for a few bits of navitorial along the lines of "You go, Girl!" and "Right on, Sister!" there was zero difference from any other Web email service.
I'm not a woman, but if I was I think I would kind of be insulted by this type of site. Like, as if REGULAR Web email is TOO HARD for GURLZ, and they get all fuddled up in their pritty little heads and make attractive frowny faces and sometimes break a nail on the keyboard. But CHICKMAIL is DIFFERENT, because it's EASIER for CHICKS, with a safe and supportive system for women to use the Web, like a birdcage for delicate and easily-flustered pigeons.
Surprisingly, this is not necessary. It's been proven that REAL WOMEN can use COMPUTERS with FAIR to GOOD competency, even outside of a laboratory environment. Many can actually sit down at a computer and get ACTUAL WORK done, without accidentally reformatting their hard drive or poking themselves in the eye with the keyboard or pressing the wrong button and ordering 10,000,000 copies of Infinite Jest from amazon.com. There are even rumors of FEMALE COMPUTER PROFESSIONALS who build computers, write software, and do tech support for THOUSANDS of other people -- some of them men! Hard to believe, isn't it?
So, I dunno. It seems dumb to me, but that could be because I'm a GUY. I guess the deal is that if you come up with a GIMMICK, no matter how FLIMSY, you should pretty much run with it. Well, OK. Whatever. Chickmail, you go, girl!
T O P S T O R I E S
California Glory Hole attracts huge crowds
A glory hole at Napa's Lake Berryessa is drawing huge crowds. According to Chris Lee, the general manager for the Solano County Water Agency, the glory hole hasn't been active since 2019, and only restarted operations on Feb 4. (More...)
Republican State Senator busted after soliciting a teenage girl
Republican State Senator Justin Eichorn of Minnesota was arrested for soliciting a teen girl on Monday just hours after he introduced a bill proposing "Trump derangement syndrome" (TDS) as a form of mental illness. (More...)
Parents claim measles is not that bad after having only one child die
The parents of a Texas girl who died from the measles are defending their decision not to vaccinate their daughter. "She says they would still say 'Don't do the shots,'" an unidentified translator for the parents said. "They think it’s not as bad as the media is making it out to be." (More...)
Delusional rich man tries to fire town staff
"I'm mayor now" said write-in mayoral candidate and founder of Pirate’s Booty Snacks Robert Ehrlich after losing the election for Mayor of Sea Cliff, NY. Then he tried to take over the Village Hall and fire everyone. (More...)
Musk claims Xitter security is staffed by idiots
Earlier this month Xitter experienced a massive outage. In an interview, Musk told Fox Business that he believes the attack came from "IP addresses originating in the Ukraine area." (More...)
The Future Ain't What It Used To Be
Ideas have taken horrifying shape and rooted into our modern reality. (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
Songs Of Love And Special Things
Well, dear reader, there's no denying it: Spring has sprung. The air is pungent with the fertile aroma of Romance. And you know what goes with Romance, don't you? That's right, Lover, porn. And not just any porn, but the kind you can sing along to. (More...)
We here in SMRL's Beverage Research Lab realize that there is more to life than just drinking spocktails. It's important to have other activities. One such activity that we wholeheartedly support is dancing six or more hours to Trance music. So we have designed a drink to accommodate this. (More...)
Vacationing from Somnambulant Narrow Realities
So about six months ago, I was chilling in Chang Mai, Thailand with ICBINJ, perursing the Bangkok Times over my banana pancake and Big Chang breakfast when I spotted this article reprinted from the LA Times. It was about some kooks from California (where else?) who were claiming to have been to the front lines in Afgahnistan in mid-December and had recorded the whole feat on their website. "Holy Fuck!" I thought, "Now That's web journalism. Who are these guys!?" (More...)
NASA's Mars missions keep blowing up and crashing, but dammit, when you reach for the stars you have to expect a few minor setbacks. Drink a toast to the men and women of NASA! Toast them with a Lost Probe mixed up with your own two (or three) hands! (More...)
Pao Tzu: Obtaining San Pedro Cactus
Horticultural clone master, Pao Tzu, guides you through the ins and outs of stealing hallucinogenic cacti from your neighbors' yards. Ooh la la! (More...)
Eavesdropping on Geeks: 'Star Trek: Discovery' vs 'The Orville'
If you broke into Pigdog's top sekrit headquarters, spying on their mysterious mix of weird science and old-skool geekiness, you'd overhear this conversation: (More...)