Build Date: Tue Sep 15 08:06:37 2026 UTC
If you want a stable environment, you're already dead. And boring, to boot.
-- Mr. Bad
Quantum Deep-Fried Electrodiddle If I Ever Saw It
2002-04-22 20:22:15
So I saw this news article titled "Hydrogel-Based Nanoparticles Make Photonic Crystals." And I have no real idea what any of those words mean, but I think I really like them.
I mean, "Hydrogel." I think that's probably what Spockette from "Star Trek: Enterprise" likes to rub all over her naked breasties in the decontamination chamber. It seems to make them stand up real nice. Hydrogel. Just the sound of it is sexy. It's a super lube of the utopian future! It lets you have double-fisted anal sex at hyper speeds with maximum thrust!
And "nanoparticles" is nice too, of course. Not sexy, but funny; kind of Mork-ish. I mean, just play with it a little. Nanoparticulate. Nanoparticulariffic! I want a nanoparticle-board for my office.
It does trouble me a little that both of those words seem kind of redundant. I mean, "hydro" is just a water kind of thing, right, and so is gel, so I don't see why Hydrogel is all that special, except for the part about anal sex. And "nano" is just, like, small; and you would expect particles to be small anyway. But I've learned not to argue with Science, especially when it has two fists up my ass.
So now we're at the Photonic Crystals, which I actually have heard of before, but crystals are groovy, man. Quartz crystals are for psychic powers, and dilithium crystals are for warp engines, and photonic crystals are for a blazing fast Internet that will make all our heads explode just like on Max Headroom. So those are all good things.
The rest of the article is fun too. We are assured that: "The soft and conformable spherical particles could be the basis for a 'photonic fluid' that would be custom processed to form self-assembled periodic structures." I don't understand that, but it makes me feel safe and cared for, like a baby or a pet. I think it's the words "soft" and "conformable." They kind of make me think of Teletubbies. Being fisted.
T O P S T O R I E S
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Republican State Senator busted after soliciting a teenage girl
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Parents claim measles is not that bad after having only one child die
The parents of a Texas girl who died from the measles are defending their decision not to vaccinate their daughter. "She says they would still say 'Don't do the shots,'" an unidentified translator for the parents said. "They think it’s not as bad as the media is making it out to be." (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
This week: another fine spocktail from the beverage researchers at SMRL! Drink it in peace, because WE DID THE RESEARCH! (More...)
Spock Went, Spock Wrote, Spock Kicked Ass
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Our team of crack journalists went insane, and made the drive from Concord, California to Concord, New Hasmpshire on Interstate 80. Read the insightful observations of our intrepid travelers made on their journey into the heartland. (More...)
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One of our star reporters was sent to Comdex by his employer. El Destino reports live from the biggest, geekiest trade show in the world. (More...)
About 14 years ago when I was on a road trip and stopped in Seattle, I was invited to a party. At this party there were these little tiny glasses sitting in a flat-bottomed bowl of ice. Thin cylinders about an inch in diameter and 4 inches tall, with thick glass at the bottom. Into these were poured frozen AKVAVIT... also known as the water of life. (More...)
