Build Date: Wed Dec 3 10:00:18 2025 UTC
Maybe if you didn't keep the Internet under that leaky sink of yours, we'd be a little better off.
-- Mr. Bad
Excellent Forth Magazine Online
2000-10-05 17:36:45
Man, the Forth Interest Group (FIG) of the UK (U) is really pretty damn on top of things. Not only has their Web site been updated like 30 million times since the last update of forth.org, but they also publish their newsletter, "Forthwrite," on the Web. Which, like, coolio, eh?
No, serious, I know this sounds deadly boring, but hear me out. As I've pointed out before, Forth is the most shithouse crazy programming language in the entire world.
Sure, you're not going to get a big fancy job from knowing Forth, but who cares about that? Only shithead dot-com losers learn programming languages just to get jobs and make money. Fucking hell! You should just get a job doing Visual Basic programming for nursing homes with that attitude, Jimmy!
I can almost hear you now. "I don't *want* to learn Forth! I want to learn Javascript so I can make interactive Dyna-Hatemail fuckball Websites gar gar gar and get a job as Junior Assistant dickhead Website maintenance buttboy at Broccoli dot Com, the online broccoli portal." WHINE WHINE WHINE! I wish I could slap you through the computer monitor, you chump. Have some fucking cojones is what I'm saying here.
Anyways, to recap: Forth is valuable because a) it is so crazy that it will break your brain and make you the ultimate Bad Person of the Future and b) it will teach you how to make a fleet of warbots to take over desert Planet Garfalune. If that holds no appeal, and you would rather have a job maintaining convoluted stolen Javascript code for IE 3.5 for the Mac for the rest of your life, well go RIGHT ahead, you mongoloid subnormal. I can't really stop you.
Anyways, on to Forthwrite: this is a fine newsletter-like magazine thing put out by the fanatic Forth-loving underculture in the United Kingdom. Unlike "Forth Dimensions," its American counterpart, this mag is on the WEB, and it's also still being PUBLISHED.
There's all kinds of good articles available in PDF format, which is all right I guess. At least there's an Acrobat Reader for Linux, unlike cheeseball Quicktime, which like I'm kind of pissed off about. Anyways, where was I? Oh, yeah, there's cool articles, like on the hip Canon Cat Forth-based computer of the late 1980s and on Charles Moore's new explorations into "Color Forth." (Don't ask, d00d! You're going to piss kiwi fruit when you see what kind of insane shit "Gnarly Charlie" Moore is up to now! Serious!)
Apparently they keep the articles about warbots in a separate members-only newsletter or something, because I couldn't find any. However, the shithouse crazy part is still intact. So, check out Forthwrite, and rock out. If you live in the UK, join the FIG UK, and send me a copy of the s00per-sekrit members-only warbot article.

T O P S T O R I E S
The Crossroads are real and The Blues is a place; The enduring myth of Robert Johnson (More...)
California Glory Hole attracts huge crowds
A glory hole at Napa's Lake Berryessa is drawing huge crowds. According to Chris Lee, the general manager for the Solano County Water Agency, the glory hole hasn't been active since 2019, and only restarted operations on Feb 4. (More...)
Republican State Senator busted after soliciting a teenage girl
Republican State Senator Justin Eichorn of Minnesota was arrested for soliciting a teen girl on Monday just hours after he introduced a bill proposing "Trump derangement syndrome" (TDS) as a form of mental illness. (More...)
Parents claim measles is not that bad after having only one child die
The parents of a Texas girl who died from the measles are defending their decision not to vaccinate their daughter. "She says they would still say 'Don't do the shots,'" an unidentified translator for the parents said. "They think it’s not as bad as the media is making it out to be." (More...)
Delusional rich man tries to fire town staff
"I'm mayor now" said write-in mayoral candidate and founder of Pirate’s Booty Snacks Robert Ehrlich after losing the election for Mayor of Sea Cliff, NY. Then he tried to take over the Village Hall and fire everyone. (More...)
Musk claims Xitter security is staffed by idiots
Earlier this month Xitter experienced a massive outage. In an interview, Musk told Fox Business that he believes the attack came from "IP addresses originating in the Ukraine area." (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
The quest for knowledge never ends at the super top secret Spock Mountain Laboratory, although it is frequently interrupted by beverage breaks. Recently, a team of crack ethnomixologists returned from a dangerous expedition to the frozen expanse of Canada with the much sought recipe for a Spocktail that is destined to replace blunt force head trauma as the major cause of brain damage in the civilized world. (More...)
The Deep Dark Underbelly of the Star Wars Myth, or Ramayana Remembered
It's a fact: Star Wars is a blatant plagiarism of an ancient Asian legend, and the long lines of devout Star Wars freaks are really unscrupulous Asian copyright busters. From Indonesia to Thailand to Nepal, videos are available for sale or rent before they're even released in the US and UK due to this nerdy camcorder-clutching bunch. (More...)
About 14 years ago when I was on a road trip and stopped in Seattle, I was invited to a party. At this party there were these little tiny glasses sitting in a flat-bottomed bowl of ice. Thin cylinders about an inch in diameter and 4 inches tall, with thick glass at the bottom. Into these were poured frozen AKVAVIT... also known as the water of life. (More...)
Brother Wayne Lays Down the Truth
Flesh interviews Wayne Kramer of MC5. (More...)
Tastes like key lime pie, gets you hammered like nobody's business: Introducing the Key Lime Spocktail! (More...)
Patient Joab's scientifick editorial discusses aspect of the space-time-beer continuum never before processed by sub-bush-robot minds!!! Too fabulantastic to contempulate! (More...)