High School Confidential
2002-01-24 13:30:15

Drive-In Pigdog
In a nutshell: We love you. Take some drugs.
-- H. R. Pufenstuf


Heroin! Pot! And Jerry Lee Lewis! This campy 50s movie turns your VCR into a drive-in....

Five minutes into High School Confidential bad Tony is smoking a reefer in the principal's office. Back in class, he's hitting on his teacher. Why not, he's 22... She returns him to the principal, who confiscates Tony's knife.

At home Tony's horny incestuous aunt puts the moves on him. But he's only interested in that blond good girl who's jonesing bad for a stick of marijuana. Real bad; the last girl in this town who smoked marijuana became a shivering heroin junkie sold into prostitution.

There's an insane drag race, plus lots of hipster slang like "Daddy-O." But what Tony really wants is to score several kilograms of heroin to become the town's dope peddling king. Woe to naive parents who ignored the police commissioner's warnings....

It's more fun to root for the hopped-up beatnik teen, of course. In real life, David Lynch even hired the actor -- 35 years later -- to be on Twin Peaks. The drug dealer's henchman, meanwhile, in real life spawned messed-up Drew Barrymore. And the drug dealer himself? Uncle Fester from the Addams Family.

Somewhere in the mix is Michael Landon and Charlie Chaplin's son -- but most espeically Jerry Lee Lewis, who serenades the townfolk from the back of a flat-bed pickup, pounding on a piano as they drive through the city.

Where is this town?

Because I want to be a turned-on daddy-o too....

Over.  End of Story.  Go home now.

comments powered by Disqus


T O P   S T O R I E S

Dangerous Drone Do's and Don'ts
by El Destino

Sing Us This Song, Piano Man
by Flesh

Giant Space Penises
by Baron Earl

Ted Nelson's Junk Mail
by Baron Earl


The Compulsive Splicer

Space aliens are breeding with humans, says Oxford instructor


Master Squid

Man killed by crossbow in Germany led 'medieval cult'


El Destino

Crazy bitcoin-trading "seasteader" forced to run by the Thai government



Alex Jones Admits To Being Psychotic.



Alex Jones Throws Temper Tantrum After Being Laughed At.



So what's the time? It's time to get ill! Alex Jones Smokes Some Kind. Gets Really Paranoid


El Destino

The Las Vegas Strip now has robot bartenders


Poindexter Fortran

University of California special collections: now with more Hunter S. Thompson


Baron Earl

Amazing hand-stitched scenes from DUNE


Baron Earl

Contributions to Top Dark Money Spenders

More Quickies...