Boy Howdy! That's some damn fine Pigdog!


Is the Online News Association a PYRAMID SCHEME?!?!
1999-06-24 21:07:24

Digital Gar Gar Gar!
Maybe it's the Geekhive Effect.
-- Kakao Chouva


Haw haw haw! What a bunch of EVIL ASS-SUCKING TWERPS! The Online News Association has got to be the stupidest SCAM I ever did see, now!

You GOT to check out this link. HAR! I'm DYING from this! Apparently some nipple-headed crossover FATBOYS from the OLD MEDIA WORLD are all saddy-sad that their brethren in print and broadcast are always picking on them for being unprofessional. WAAH WAAH WAAH! I AM VERY SAD!

So they started this Online News Association so that nobody would make no fun of them no more and pelt them with rocks and garbage when they're walking home from the National Press Club and stuff.

And now they're gonna band together and work real hard to clean up town and make the Net safe for Responsible Journalism, and all the people who made fun of them will be sorry and bring them ice cream, and they'll go marching arm and arm down the street together towards a BRIGHTER TOMORROW.

Or so they would have you think.

See, I'm not convinced AT ALL. Nobody's stupid enough to think this kind of DOOMED MORON DUMBSHOW is gonna work for even a second, are they? NOBODY. Fuck, what could they possibly DO? Fact-check the ENTIRE FUCKING NET!? I would guess NOT. So what's the real deal here?

As best I can tell, all this ONA thing is is a SCAM to separate shifty-eyed insecure FREELANCE WRITER DIRTBALLS from their sweaty ill-gotten cash. It costs FIFTY SMACKS to join this shadowy lodge of mercenaries, and what do you get for it? ZIPPO. RESUME FILLER for the OTHERWISE UNHIREABLE.

If you wanna real laugheroo, get THIS: you can join at the "founder's level" for SEVENTY-FIVE BUCKS, which counts as half-off of your second-year dues. SECOND YEAR! Does anyone really believe this group's gonna be around in TWO YEARS?! HAR!

Now, don't get me wrong -- I appreciate store-bought credibility as much as the next guy. Hell, I only checked out this link to see if we could buy some for PDJ, after all. But I just don't think this bunch of Rotarians is gonna do anybody any good.

My only disappointment was not seeing Matt Drudge's name on the home page of ONA (sounds like "onan," doesn't it?). This kind of oily freakshow is right up his alley. Oh, well: maybe next scam.

Anyways, as an alternative, here's my standard advice for seedy thread-worn journalists who are wondering what they gotta do to get a job in this town:

Hey, FAT BOYS! Ha ha ha! You need to get HUNGRY again. Lean and cruel, with one ear to the ground at all times, like a Real Pigdog Journalist. Try rubbing down with gasoline and doing 200 pushups and 200 pullups twice a day. Get ANGRY! Drink straight Everclear! Learn a little something about JOURNALISM and maybe someday we'll let you be our COPY BOYS. Muahahahaha!.

And AMEN to that.

Over.  End of Story.  Go home now.

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