Build Date: Sat Apr 20 14:30:06 2024 UTC
Beer drinking don't do half the harm of love making.
-- Pigdog Proverb
First WebTV, Now WebVan
2000-01-28 15:30:33
Man, the people of earth want to use the Web! It's crazy! First they put the Web on the television machine with WebTV, and now people are using this here Webvan thing to get the Web brought to their house. Beaujolais!
Now, I haven't used Webvan at all, so don't take this as, like, gospel or something. But I've seen plenty of these crazy Webvan trucks going around the City, and I've talked to some friends who've used it, and I think I understand how it works.
The deal is that you contact these WebVan guys at webvan.com, and you schedule like a one-hour window when they will come to your house, kinda like SuperShuttle. The van comes, which is like a little small corrugated panel truck like you see all the time delivering beer, except it's got "WEBVAN" written all over it.
You get in the back of the truck, and then they drive away to go pick up or drop off other people. While you're in there, they drive around, and you get to use the Web. They must have some Ricochet modems or something, because OBVIOUSLY you can't be dragging, like, twisted-pair cable behind one of these things. That'd be ridiculous!
I haven't seen the inside of these things much, but it looks kind of uncomfortable, since there aren't any windows or anything. BUT people LOVE the Web, so I can imagine that it's worth it for some folks. From what I've heard that have all these health-nut snacks that you can chomp on in big plastic buckets. But no beer, because, like, DUH, you're driving around in a van. Even if it wasn't illegal, you'd probably collapse from heat exhaustion in the back of those trucks after just a couple of Heinekens. You'd go into convulsions and shit. Which is too bad, because I mean, BEER is the best part of using a computer.
Anyways, these WebVan guys are savvy goddamned businessmen, you know? They get the same essential clientele as a cybercafe or something, but NO REAL ESTATE OVERHEAD! No rent, no expensive bathrooms or property taxes or even janitor guys! They just drive their customers around in the back of a van like illegal immigrant lettuce pickers or something! Dying of heatstroke and NO BEER! And they're PAYING for the privilege! Then the Webvan guys hose the truck out at the end of the day, and beaujolais, you've got a BUSINESS MODEL!
Personally, I woulda thought this would never work, since it's so disgusting and dehumanizing and stuff being treated like cattle in the back of an 18-wheeler. And EVERYBODY's got a computer now anyways, right? But I see TONS of these Webvans driving all over the place, so it must be good business. God bless these guys. Go check it out!
T O P S T O R I E S
In 2010 Dr. Cheng-Huai Ruan discovered a way to cause a patient with an abnormal heartbeat to get back into a normal rhythm by sticking a finger up the patient's ass. (More...)
WKRP in Cincinnati aired from 1978 through 1982. Howard Hesseman played Dr. Johnny Fever, a DJ from Los Angeles who was fired from his previous job for saying the word "booger" on the air. In the show Hesseman would do some dialogue, introduce a song, and start the song. You'd hear a few notes, but never the whole song. (More...)
SF Hippies Can't Get Their Act Together
The annual 420 Hippie Hill event in Golden Gate Park, where large crowds of hippies, wannabe hippies, and hippie poseurs drape themselves in tie dye t-shirts and gather on a hill on 4/20 to smoke weed, was cancelled this year because the organizers couldn't get their act together. (More...)
Mozart to be inducted into the Rock 'n Roll Hall of Fame
Joining such hard-rocking inductees as Abba, Chet Atkins, Nat King Cole, and Neil Diamond, the Rock 'n Roll Hall of Fame is proud to induct Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart. (More...)
Gary Busey definitely involved in a hit and run accident
Gary Busey was definitely involved in a hit-and-run accident, but won't face any charges because he's rich and famous. (More...)
Gary Busey allegedly involved in Malibu hit-and-run
"Sir! You hit my car! I need your information!" the woman yelled at Gary Busey driving a battered Volvo station wagon before he sped off. (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
Patient Joab's scientifick editorial discusses aspect of the space-time-beer continuum never before processed by sub-bush-robot minds!!! Too fabulantastic to contempulate! (More...)
Eavesdropping on Geeks: 'Star Trek: Discovery' vs 'The Orville'
If you broke into Pigdog's top sekrit headquarters, spying on their mysterious mix of weird science and old-skool geekiness, you'd overhear this conversation: (More...)
Our man Daemon Agent checks out the heavy heavy sounds of crazy space surf rockers Man or Astroman?. (More...)
I just came across this coolio essay by Pigdog Journal Science Editor binky wedged between two staves in the back corner of the submissions barrel. It's on the origin of the cyberbilly and is definitely de rigeur for any serious student of this fascinating sociological movement. (More...)
An innocent trip to the Central Market resulted in a severe attack of arachnophobia (and a meal) when a depraved street kid set her vicious pet spider on an unsuspecting shopper. (More...)
Skunk School -- Learn Why Not To Keep Skunks As Pets
There is an alarming trend in pet purchasing habits this fall. People inspired by the WWII film, "Life is Beautiful" -- the one with that annoying Italian guy -- are buying descented skunks by the millions. (More...)
