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But Do You Have to Turn Saddam Over Halfway Through?
2002-08-09 22:55:58
Like a child on Christmas morning who can't wait to play with his new toys, the U.S. military is hoping to test out new microwave weaponry for the first time in a war with Iraq.
These microwave weapons would release a short, powerful burst of microwave radiation that would scramble computer memories and other electronic devices, temporarily or permanently disabling them.
Not only will Saddam's army be unable to play Nintendo in their underground bunkers, but anti-aircraft guns would have to be manned and aimed by hand, Iraqi soldiers would have to aim their rifles and pull the triggers manually, and tanks of nerve gas will have to have their manual valves opened by hand.
On a positive note, any weapon systems that do use microelectronics -- missles, radar, aircraft, command and control systems, and atomic bomb triggers, can be destroyed without killing anyone -- civilians or military personnel. (Of course that also means that plenty of Iraqi fighters will still be around to engage in hand-to-hand combat when our ground forces move in.)
T O P S T O R I E S
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SF Hippies Can't Get Their Act Together
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Gary Busey definitely involved in a hit and run accident
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"Sir! You hit my car! I need your information!" the woman yelled at Gary Busey driving a battered Volvo station wagon before he sped off. (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
Our team of crack journalists went insane, and made the drive from Concord, California to Concord, New Hasmpshire on Interstate 80. Read the insightful observations of our intrepid travelers made on their journey into the heartland. (More...)
An innocent trip to the Central Market resulted in a severe attack of arachnophobia (and a meal) when a depraved street kid set her vicious pet spider on an unsuspecting shopper. (More...)
A Day in the Life of a Beverotologist
It was starting to look like a very boring Saturday, trapped as I was in the suburban wastelands of the outer Bay Area, so I called my Able Assistant (AA) and proposed that we perform some Spocktail field tests. For some time I've been working on creating the quintessential cinematic beverage and even tho' SMRL does most of its testing during nocturnal hours, this seemed an opportune time to roll up the sleeves of our labcoats and get some science done. While the beverotology creation tested this day (The Neurotoxin) must be deemed a success, this article focuses more the journey of the experimenters, rather then the science of beverotology. (More...)
The Walken / Country Bear Conspiracy
As has been recently reported in the PDJ, Christopher Walken, evil s00per villain extraordinaire, will be appearing next month in Disney's newest release, The Country Bear Movie. Always playing some wicked and very disturbed badass in movies like Sleepy Hollow, Illuminata, The Prophecy I, II, III, Pulp Fiction, Batman Returns, The Milagro Beanfield War, A View to a Kill, The Dogs of War, Heaven's Gate, and The Deer Hunter, Walken is unsuprisingly a big favorite in the PDJ news room. (More...)
Patient Joab's scientifick editorial discusses aspect of the space-time-beer continuum never before processed by sub-bush-robot minds!!! Too fabulantastic to contempulate! (More...)
This week: another fine spocktail from the beverage researchers at SMRL! Drink it in peace, because WE DID THE RESEARCH! (More...)
