Build Date: Sun Aug 9 11:50:05 2026 UTC
Who knew I could write something longer than a smug one liner.
-- Donkey Hotey
Dear Jesus, Take My Wife... Please
1999-06-29 04:11:07
Here's something you don't get enough of on the web; a whole site apparently devoted to the sorts of "inspirational" stories and poems you normally find in the back pages of TRUE STORY magazine and the intermittent Ann Landers column on a day when Ann is feeling really lazy.
Take a good long look at "My Dear Wife," for instance, a charming little morality tale about a man who writes his wife a letter letting her know that "Jesus came for me today, while you were at work." It seems he asked Jesus if his wife could come along, too, but Jesus, that stern taskmaster, said no. The rest of the letter is basically this schmuck saying "You're going to Hell, sorry it had to turn out that way." Uplifting background music is provided.
On the flip side is "Letter From Satan," wherein even sterner taskmaster B.L. Zebub drops a cheery note on an unsuspecting sod, exhorting his anonymous prey to teach children to sin so they can go to hell faster: "So go ahead and teach some children how to sin. All you have to do is smoke, drink alcoholic beverages, cheat, gamble, gossip, fornicate, and listen to and dance to the top 10 jams." I always suspected the Backstreet Boys were EVIL.
While you're visiting this Repository of Bad, be sure to check out other such classics as "An Angel Called 'Mommy,'" "God Knows the Score," and "Children Learn What They Live." You'll be glad you did, and maybe you won't go to HELL!
T O P S T O R I E S
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C L A S S I C P I G D O G
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Pao Tzu: Obtaining San Pedro Cactus
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Paranoid Strippers & Psychotic Crack Dealers (Tales of Christmas Eve)
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Clowns Take on God in Mysterious Annual Ceremony
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