Build Date: Mon Sep 7 18:20:06 2026 UTC
You say that like Hawaiian Punch and Vodka is a bad thing.
-- Johnnie Royale
Dear Jesus, Take My Wife... Please
1999-06-29 04:11:07
Here's something you don't get enough of on the web; a whole site apparently devoted to the sorts of "inspirational" stories and poems you normally find in the back pages of TRUE STORY magazine and the intermittent Ann Landers column on a day when Ann is feeling really lazy.
Take a good long look at "My Dear Wife," for instance, a charming little morality tale about a man who writes his wife a letter letting her know that "Jesus came for me today, while you were at work." It seems he asked Jesus if his wife could come along, too, but Jesus, that stern taskmaster, said no. The rest of the letter is basically this schmuck saying "You're going to Hell, sorry it had to turn out that way." Uplifting background music is provided.
On the flip side is "Letter From Satan," wherein even sterner taskmaster B.L. Zebub drops a cheery note on an unsuspecting sod, exhorting his anonymous prey to teach children to sin so they can go to hell faster: "So go ahead and teach some children how to sin. All you have to do is smoke, drink alcoholic beverages, cheat, gamble, gossip, fornicate, and listen to and dance to the top 10 jams." I always suspected the Backstreet Boys were EVIL.
While you're visiting this Repository of Bad, be sure to check out other such classics as "An Angel Called 'Mommy,'" "God Knows the Score," and "Children Learn What They Live." You'll be glad you did, and maybe you won't go to HELL!
T O P S T O R I E S
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America's National Recording Registry Inducts Culturally Significant Artist - Weezer!
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Republican State Senator busted after soliciting a teenage girl
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Parents claim measles is not that bad after having only one child die
The parents of a Texas girl who died from the measles are defending their decision not to vaccinate their daughter. "She says they would still say 'Don't do the shots,'" an unidentified translator for the parents said. "They think it’s not as bad as the media is making it out to be." (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
Skunk School -- Learn Why Not To Keep Skunks As Pets
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The Walken / Country Bear Conspiracy
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Brother Wayne Lays Down the Truth
Flesh interviews Wayne Kramer of MC5. (More...)
"Gee, I wish I was older."
"So do I." (More...)
WE'RE STILL TOTAL LOSERS JESUS
Mr. Bad, Tjames Madison, and various other Pigdoggers of all stripe take on the makers of JERKCITY in a PIGDOG INTERVIEW DEATHMATCH. (More...)
The days are getting longer and, as the man says, the nights are getting HOTTER! Lick your finger, touch your ass and go *Tschssh*, cause the damn SUN is out now! And of course that means it's time for a refreshing Spocktail that meets YOUR NEEDS for a delicious booze cooler at affordable prices. (More...)
