Rollin' Phillies, Actin' Silly, Cyberbillies
2000-03-22 16:55:05

My problem with spontaneous human combustion is that never seems to happen to the
-- Johnnie Royale


Man, it's a well-known fact that booming techno-techno is the official music of Bad People of the Future and shit. Like, when diamond-crystal symbiots land on PLANET Q13 in the Booga Galaxy and shit, it's obvious that they will be playing some dope-ass goa on their 12-dimensional CD player and stuff. But, at the same time, these cyberbillies are giving techno a run for its money, what with all their "old-timey" music. Beaujolais for that!

Old Time music is kind of a term of art for crazy hillbilly musicians. It means music that used to happen before there was recording tubes and gramophones and that kind of shit. It's the hillbilly music that your great-grand-pappy hillbilly would have listened to while making big aniline whiskey-drink in an old tub.

The thing about old time music is that it's really FUN. It's got this kind of droning crazy beat made by gigantic abominations of washtub bass and weird jugs and that kind of thing, with wicked weird fiddle and banjo and mandolin kinda whining and flying and zooming and doing crazy wheedly-wheedly noises like there's no tomorrow. It's about as high-energy as any old thing. It's like a natural Appalachian audial ritalin. Hell, now that I think about it, old-timey is pretty much analog-style proto-techno.

This site I'm pointing you to, Old Time Music dot Com, has lots of cool links and stories and what not. My favorite is the Old Time Appalachian Throwdown, an MP3 stream full of old-timey music and such. But there's also lists of old-timey festivals and events and etc. As well as weirdo pitchers of nutty crazy hillbillies with no teeth playing violins made out of salt barrels and such, spitting terbacky and rocking the house with old-time. Coolio!

Some of the PDJ krew went out to an old-timey show in San Francisco last week at a crazy little Irish bar, and it was great! They had an old timey band set up in the corner of the bar, and it was about 8 guys all crammed together with no chairs or mics or anything, just kinda BANGING AWAY with spoons and fiddles and who knows what. And they all had big beards like the Martin Brothers in "Hillbilly Hare." I'm hooked, I'm telling you.

So go check out Old Time Music dot Com, pick up a pair of spoons and bang along ot the tunes. Beaujolais for old-timey!

Over.  End of Story.  Go home now.

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