Pure and simple as a hammer to the forebrain

     
 

Jethro Bodine is Shithouse Crazy
2000-01-20 20:15:20


Cyberbillies
 
Aargh! It makes me want to crack skulls!
-- Daisy

 

Dear holy FUCKANAUTS! Max Baer, the big lughead who played JETHRO BODINE in the hit series "Beverly Hillbillies" is building him a GIGANTIC CASINO in the sick, bitter little dessicated city of Reno, Nevada. It's gonna be TOTALLY SIDEWAYS! With BLACKJACK and HILLBILLIES! Gah!

Everybody's heard about this screwball plan, but have you seen the Web site?! I have! It's nutty! It's the SINGLE WORST WEBSITE I've ever seen for a commercial venture. There's really bad clip art and Shockwave and just mindbendingly bad graphics everywhere. It's HORRIBLE. It looks like it was made by a GRIEVOUSLY INJURED RACCOON, and not a very bright one at that.

Which kinda fits hand-in-glove with the whole "Jethro's Casino" idea, anyways. Apparently Mr. Baer bought up all the merchandising rights to the Beverly Hillbillies name after the show went rightfully kaput in 1971. JUST LIKE his big dumb lughead character, Baer has been lugheadedly PLOTTING and SCHEMING for years to do something totally OVER THE TOP and INSANE. And it WORKED. He's gonna make a CASINO.

The Reno City Council has approved construction, which just goes to show what kind of geniuses they put on the council in Reno. They're going to put the thing in the middle of downtown Reno! Har! It should be in some gully somewhere, out of sight, but it'll take up most of downtown!

This Web site doesn't say if the construction is started or not, which could be because it's the WORLD'S SHITTIEST WEBSITE or it could be because this is the most fuckheaded idea ever to exist and nobody in their right mind would invest dollar one in it. I dunno.

But anyway, when (if) it IS built, this will be the most SIDEWAYS casino ever. I assure you of this! I've been to some pretty creepy and unpleasant casinos, and I assure you that Jethro's Casino will top them all. There will be a bakery called "Elly Mae's Buns"! There will be a GIGANTIC OIL WELL on FIRE out front! There will be a big-ass Beverly-Hills-style MANSION with critters and bucktoothed bellboys and the like. Crosseyed pit bosses! Showgirls in Dr. Denton's with the back flap open! A WHITE LIGHTNING bar! Dear LORD, this is going to be a horrible place.

Even though recent reports seem to indicate that the Jethro Casino is kind of struggling, I have faith in the bizarre, fucked-up Max Baer to make his dream come true. Hillbillies! Casino! Beaujolais!

Over.  End of Story.  Go home now.

yaddayadda@pigdog.org


comments powered by Disqus
 
     

 

C L A S S I C   P I G D O G

Solex vs. the Pigdog
by The Compulsive Splicer

GNUisance
by El Snatcher, Mr. Bad

Escape to Spock Mountain!
by Baron Earl

WE'RE STILL TOTAL LOSERS JESUS
by Mr. Bad

05-17

Master Squid

Man killed by crossbow in Germany led 'medieval cult'

05-17

El Destino

Crazy bitcoin-trading "seasteader" forced to run by the Thai government

03-30

Flesh

Alex Jones Admits To Being Psychotic.

03-30

Flesh

Alex Jones Throws Temper Tantrum After Being Laughed At.

03-30

Flesh

So what's the time? It's time to get ill! Alex Jones Smokes Some Kind. Gets Really Paranoid

03-23

El Destino

The Las Vegas Strip now has robot bartenders

03-06

Poindexter Fortran

University of California special collections: now with more Hunter S. Thompson

02-15

Baron Earl

Amazing hand-stitched scenes from DUNE

01-17

Baron Earl

Contributions to Top Dark Money Spenders

01-11

Baron Earl

CES claims dildo is not a robot

More Quickies...