Celebrity endorsement impersonated


Jethro Bodine is Shithouse Crazy
2000-01-20 20:15:20

He had a very sort of, a strangely very attractive sort of pungent sort of gamey, sort of a venison or a lamb sausage... and a little bit of rosemary with a touch of ranch dressing.
-- James Spader, discussing the aroma of William Shatner


Dear holy FUCKANAUTS! Max Baer, the big lughead who played JETHRO BODINE in the hit series "Beverly Hillbillies" is building him a GIGANTIC CASINO in the sick, bitter little dessicated city of Reno, Nevada. It's gonna be TOTALLY SIDEWAYS! With BLACKJACK and HILLBILLIES! Gah!

Everybody's heard about this screwball plan, but have you seen the Web site?! I have! It's nutty! It's the SINGLE WORST WEBSITE I've ever seen for a commercial venture. There's really bad clip art and Shockwave and just mindbendingly bad graphics everywhere. It's HORRIBLE. It looks like it was made by a GRIEVOUSLY INJURED RACCOON, and not a very bright one at that.

Which kinda fits hand-in-glove with the whole "Jethro's Casino" idea, anyways. Apparently Mr. Baer bought up all the merchandising rights to the Beverly Hillbillies name after the show went rightfully kaput in 1971. JUST LIKE his big dumb lughead character, Baer has been lugheadedly PLOTTING and SCHEMING for years to do something totally OVER THE TOP and INSANE. And it WORKED. He's gonna make a CASINO.

The Reno City Council has approved construction, which just goes to show what kind of geniuses they put on the council in Reno. They're going to put the thing in the middle of downtown Reno! Har! It should be in some gully somewhere, out of sight, but it'll take up most of downtown!

This Web site doesn't say if the construction is started or not, which could be because it's the WORLD'S SHITTIEST WEBSITE or it could be because this is the most fuckheaded idea ever to exist and nobody in their right mind would invest dollar one in it. I dunno.

But anyway, when (if) it IS built, this will be the most SIDEWAYS casino ever. I assure you of this! I've been to some pretty creepy and unpleasant casinos, and I assure you that Jethro's Casino will top them all. There will be a bakery called "Elly Mae's Buns"! There will be a GIGANTIC OIL WELL on FIRE out front! There will be a big-ass Beverly-Hills-style MANSION with critters and bucktoothed bellboys and the like. Crosseyed pit bosses! Showgirls in Dr. Denton's with the back flap open! A WHITE LIGHTNING bar! Dear LORD, this is going to be a horrible place.

Even though recent reports seem to indicate that the Jethro Casino is kind of struggling, I have faith in the bizarre, fucked-up Max Baer to make his dream come true. Hillbillies! Casino! Beaujolais!

Over.  End of Story.  Go home now.


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