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Our Wacky Women and "That Time of the Month"
2001-12-04 23:28:19


Crazy But True
 
One man said it was getting towards the long days and the short nights now. T'other one said THIS warn't one of the short ones, he reckoned. And then they laughed, and he said it over again, and they laughed again...
-- Mark Twain

 

In my never-ending search for bizarre anecdotes and very strange statistics, I've uncovered some astounding facts about "That Time of the Month" that you may not know about.

Did you know:

  • 32 states have laws on the books that say a woman isn't responsible for maiming, murdering or hitting a man on the head with a frying pan when her "Aunt Flo" is visiting.
  • Ladies with "leaky basements" can't do math problems. It's true -- to a woman 1 + 1 = 5 when she's "on the rag"!
  • Some large companies (including Charles Schwab, Ben & Jerry's, and the United States Postal Service) allow woman to take a leave of absence "that week" because most of them just sit at their desks crying the whole time anyway.
  • 77% of divorces in this country are caused by "menstruating" women who think their husbands "breathe wrong."
  • 92% of the chocolate consumed in the United States each year is eaten by women who are dealing with "the curse." Also, 86% of potato chips, 67% of our fat-free ice cream products and a whopping 98.5% of America's Cheez-Wiz are eaten by our "bloody ladies."
  • It's best if girls who have "female troubles" don't participate in gym class or team sports. They're legs are weak and they tend to fall over on courts and playing fields, causing injury to other players who trip over them.
  • A woman who has "a snatch box decorated with red roses" should not prepare food to serve to others. Her blood is "tainted" and can "infect" the meal.
  • In 1982, an Oklahoma woman by the name of Elaine Skinner ate 286 oz. of raw pork products. She attributed this amazing feat to "riding the cotton pony."

Over.  End of Story.  Go home now.

szithead@pigdog.org


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