Gentle Reader, The Word will leap on you with leopard man iron claws, it will cut off fingers and toes like an opportunist land crab, it will coil round your thighs like a bushmaster and inject a shot glass of rancid ectoplasm. -- WSB
Usually when you hear someone died in a "freak gardening accident,"
it means they smoked crack until their eyeballs bled and then
threw themselves in front of a bus. But this guy really did die
in a freak gardening accident.
John Lewis, a British businessman, died a surreal death. Lewis, of Gloucester,
was tending a bonfire to burn leaves in his garden by pouring gasoline on the
pile when he accidentally set his clothes on fire. An alarmed, and flaming,
Lewis then made his way to the river near his house in an attempt to put the
Lewis apparently then drowned, and his body was found a mile and a half
upstream, where investigators began piecing together the weird chain of events.
To add insult to injury, Lewis' body was found naked except for his shoes and
socks; the rest apparently burnt off as he was making a beeline for the river.