Build Date: Tue Oct 21 13:50:10 2025 UTC
Goddamn Fox News online is impossible to read through all the ads. They are fucking their own readers SO HARD.
-- Master Squid
Scottish Government Wants Gay Sex Lessons in Schools!
2000-01-19 15:51:12
Wow! You know some people think that places like Scotland are really conservative and backwards, but boy are they wrong! I mean, in the US its a big deal to even TALK about being gay in schools, let alone gay sex practices. But not in Scotland, no, they're gonna have GAY SEX lessons! Where kids can learn all the basic gay sex acts like fisting and rimming! Man that's gonna be a messy final exam!
OK, so some people seem to be against it, and they actually have a lot of friends that are also against it, but it's pretty cool that the idea even got this far. They don't even teach sheep fucking in Scottish schools and that's like the fucking national sport. No wait, the national sport is "caber tossing," but I think that's just a front...
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