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-- Mr. Bad

Cashing in your Cheetos

by Baron Earl

2021-04-12 05:27:44

Depending on whether you've smoked a bowl of some supreme weed, eaten some psilocybin mushrooms, or microdosed on LSD, a Cheeto can take on a life of it's own. Appearing to some as a duck or a character from Game of Thrones, rare Cheeto aficionados are taking their delicious miniature sculpted cheesy discoveries and selling them off on EBay to the highest bidder, raking in tens of dollars.

If you've ever opened a bag of Cheetos and been disappointed that none are shaped like a "Y", for a mere $50 you can buy one on EBay.

If you're more of a Spongebob Squarepants fan, you can go for the The McCrab, which looks a lot like the Y with a bit nibbled off, also only $50.

Speaking of being so ripped to the gills that you might buy a Cheeto on EBay, of course there's a Bong-shaped Cheeto. You can't smoke weed out of it, but you can spend $24.99 on it.

Can you tell the difference between The Revolver Penis ($25) and The Rocket Launch, aka "the space hard-on" ($50)? Professional Cheeto Appraisers know -- The Rocket Launch points up!

There's the "if you squint real hard you can see a man chugging a beer" Cheeto for $100 and the Statue of Liberty Cheeto (aka the saguaro cactus with spina bifida Cheeto) for $200.

If you're looking for something more collectable, try the Cheeto that does not look anything like the Lego pizza delivery man Cheeto for $50, the BLM hands up don't shoot Cheeto (aka Jesus with elephantiasis) for $25, and "this would look like Peter Dinklage if he was playing Joseph Merrick in an off-broadway, low-budget, musical version of The Elephant Man" Cheeto for $175.

And if that's too many Cheetos for you to choose from, there's always the Cheeto making the American Sign Language sign for "asshole". Only $100. Quantities are limited. Order now.

Over.  End of Story.  Go home now.

punchbowl@pigdog.org

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