German Drinkers Face Corporate Bondage
2000-10-01 19:56:14

Consumers in Action
Meg said I could kiss her ankle if I crawled all the way across the floor on the knuckles of my toes. And I did.
-- Doctor Murdock


I love anything with the word "Drinking" in it. So when I found a German domain named, I had to check it out. O, the horror...

The first picture tells it all: a man walking around with a giant package of cigarettes strapped to his back. Click on the image, and more pictures appear: an army of male shills with other things strapped to their backs. One is a giant bottle labeled "Bier"...

Though the page is in German, viewers quickly grok the sinister scheme. Another one of the giant bottles is labelled "your logo."

Leave it to the Germans, whose fetishism is well-documented, to try seducing consumers with corporate bondage. But in order to secure an expert analysis of the phenomenon, Pigdog Journal called in the kitsch-loving webmaster behind, who, in a terse e-mail, evaluted its significance as apocalyptic.

"One day in the near future, this object (or a similar one) will touch off the glorious destroy-all-advertising revolution. These backpacks are like powder kegs waiting to be lit - you're blocking the view of some _drunk guy_? You're toast, Mr. Huge Candy Bar Man."

Branding engineers overlooked a crucial reality, notes Mister Cardhouse. "At the very least, I'm sure it makes you pleasantly top-heavy, very tempting for someone to kick you."

He concluded his e-mail: "Bringin' the cleats..."

Over.  End of Story.  Go home now.

comments powered by Disqus


C L A S S I C   P I G D O G

Escape to Spock Mountain!
by Baron Earl

Sex Crimes of the X-Men
by El Destino

Please Continue...
by Baron Earl

Absinthia: The Pigdog Interview
by El Snatcher, Mr. Bad


The Compulsive Splicer

Space aliens are breeding with humans, says Oxford instructor


Master Squid

Man killed by crossbow in Germany led 'medieval cult'


El Destino

Crazy bitcoin-trading "seasteader" forced to run by the Thai government



Alex Jones Admits To Being Psychotic.



Alex Jones Throws Temper Tantrum After Being Laughed At.



So what's the time? It's time to get ill! Alex Jones Smokes Some Kind. Gets Really Paranoid


El Destino

The Las Vegas Strip now has robot bartenders


Poindexter Fortran

University of California special collections: now with more Hunter S. Thompson


Baron Earl

Amazing hand-stitched scenes from DUNE


Baron Earl

Contributions to Top Dark Money Spenders

More Quickies...