Ministry of Truth! Just like in that TV show with the cats.


German Drinkers Face Corporate Bondage
2000-10-01 19:56:14

Consumers in Action
Anne Coulter is a character of a parody of a comic book villain. There's no Godwin Law on the intertubes for invoking Coulter, but there should be.
-- Johnny Royale


I love anything with the word "Drinking" in it. So when I found a German domain named, I had to check it out. O, the horror...

The first picture tells it all: a man walking around with a giant package of cigarettes strapped to his back. Click on the image, and more pictures appear: an army of male shills with other things strapped to their backs. One is a giant bottle labeled "Bier"...

Though the page is in German, viewers quickly grok the sinister scheme. Another one of the giant bottles is labelled "your logo."

Leave it to the Germans, whose fetishism is well-documented, to try seducing consumers with corporate bondage. But in order to secure an expert analysis of the phenomenon, Pigdog Journal called in the kitsch-loving webmaster behind, who, in a terse e-mail, evaluted its significance as apocalyptic.

"One day in the near future, this object (or a similar one) will touch off the glorious destroy-all-advertising revolution. These backpacks are like powder kegs waiting to be lit - you're blocking the view of some _drunk guy_? You're toast, Mr. Huge Candy Bar Man."

Branding engineers overlooked a crucial reality, notes Mister Cardhouse. "At the very least, I'm sure it makes you pleasantly top-heavy, very tempting for someone to kick you."

He concluded his e-mail: "Bringin' the cleats..."

Over.  End of Story.  Go home now.

comments powered by Disqus


C L A S S I C   P I G D O G

Sex Crimes of the X-Men
by El Destino

Skunk School -- Learn Why Not To Keep Skunks As Pets
by El Snatcher & Ms. BunnyPenny

Escape to Spock Mountain!
by Baron Earl

Eavesdropping on Geeks: 'Star Trek: Discovery' vs 'The Orville'
by Thom 'Starky' Stark, Lenny Tuberose, 'Tricky' Rick Moen, Destino


Poindexter Fortran

University of California special collections: now with more Hunter S. Thompson


Baron Earl

Amazing hand-stitched scenes from DUNE


Baron Earl

Contributions to Top Dark Money Spenders


Baron Earl

CES claims dildo is not a robot


Baron Earl

Rep. Steve King wonders how the phrase "white supremacist" became "offensive"


El Destino

Zeitgeist's Legendary 'Tamale Lady' Dies Just Weeks Before Opening Her Long-Awaited Restaurant


Baron Earl

Cliff Burton Day in Castro Valley


El Destino

When Spock met PLATO


El Destino

A musical reminder: Don't Say GIF


El Destino

Devo's one and only Christmas song

More Quickies...