Build Date: Wed Nov 12 12:40:09 2025 UTC
There is nothing wrong with belt AND suspenders when it comes to security. Your position assumes that the belt is near perfect, and that you've got nothing worth looking at if your pants fall down anyway.
-- MasterSquid
Crime Wave Hits Broomfield
2000-07-14 18:41:57
Thefts, car "accidents", inappropriate juvenile touching, assaults, domestic violence, and DUI's are just a part of everyday life in Broomfield.
I don't know why I find police blotter pages so facinating, but I do. I especially love peering in at the steamy underbelly of Broomfield, USA, courtesy of their local newspaper.
From this week's police blotter:
"A juvenile was issued a summons for inappropriately touching another juvenile at 5:30 p.m. at The Bay aquatic center, 250 Lamar St." (It's amazing how a phrase like "Inappropriate touching" can sound so vague and so dirty at the same time.)
"Five juveniles were issued curfew and destruction of property summonses after being contacted at 2:15 a.m. damaging lights near Outlook and Summit trails." (What do you expect them to do after you've taken away all their drugs?)
"A window of a 1996 BMW was discovered broken at 4 p.m. while parked at Sun Microsystems, 500 Eldorado Blvd." (Doesn't "BMW" stand for "Break My Windows?")
"A flower pot was knocked over between July 7 and 7 a.m. July 8 on Willow Run Parkway." (Police are rounding up the usual suspects.)
Every week it's the same. Is there no end to the madness?
T O P S T O R I E S
California Glory Hole attracts huge crowds
A glory hole at Napa's Lake Berryessa is drawing huge crowds. According to Chris Lee, the general manager for the Solano County Water Agency, the glory hole hasn't been active since 2019, and only restarted operations on Feb 4. (More...)
Republican State Senator busted after soliciting a teenage girl
Republican State Senator Justin Eichorn of Minnesota was arrested for soliciting a teen girl on Monday just hours after he introduced a bill proposing "Trump derangement syndrome" (TDS) as a form of mental illness. (More...)
Parents claim measles is not that bad after having only one child die
The parents of a Texas girl who died from the measles are defending their decision not to vaccinate their daughter. "She says they would still say 'Don't do the shots,'" an unidentified translator for the parents said. "They think it’s not as bad as the media is making it out to be." (More...)
Delusional rich man tries to fire town staff
"I'm mayor now" said write-in mayoral candidate and founder of Pirate’s Booty Snacks Robert Ehrlich after losing the election for Mayor of Sea Cliff, NY. Then he tried to take over the Village Hall and fire everyone. (More...)
Musk claims Xitter security is staffed by idiots
Earlier this month Xitter experienced a massive outage. In an interview, Musk told Fox Business that he believes the attack came from "IP addresses originating in the Ukraine area." (More...)
The Future Ain't What It Used To Be
Ideas have taken horrifying shape and rooted into our modern reality. (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
My dear and close friend, Porn Maven Shannon Mariemont, sent me a titillating message the other day about her new project: the PornOrchestra. Her desire, at most, is to reinvent the porn soundtrack and, at least, to receive a cease-and-desist order like all her cool friends did last year. (More...)
During a magnificent sunny day in a fast receding autumn, the Spock Science Monitor reporters once again blew the playa dust off of their computers and covered the 2002 Burning Man Decompression – held every year just east of Portola Hill in beautiful San Francisco. Both an afternoon and evening issues were released to the unsuspecting crowd of freaks attempting to in some small way experience the euphoria of the playa – if but for a brief afternoon far from the desolation of Northern Nevada. (More...)
Pigdog brings you SETI astronomer Seth Shostak to bring you the truth about Ay-leens (More...)
Songs Of Love And Special Things
Well, dear reader, there's no denying it: Spring has sprung. The air is pungent with the fertile aroma of Romance. And you know what goes with Romance, don't you? That's right, Lover, porn. And not just any porn, but the kind you can sing along to. (More...)
It was early in May last year when I first heard about Spock Mountain Research Labs. I was working on a story about a Hungarian scientist's new approach to nucleopeptide synthesis when I got a call from my friend Albert. (More...)
Paranoid Strippers & Psychotic Crack Dealers (Tales of Christmas Eve)
Christmas day, for the last 17 or so years has bored me. I find that the real fun and excitement always takes place on Christmas Eve. Every other year, it's the excitement of the metaphorical hunt instead of the kill. Otherwise, it's just plain bad craziness. (More...)
