Pure and simple as a hammer to the forebrain

     
 

Crime Wave Hits Broomfield
2000-07-14 18:41:57


Broomfield: City of Crime
 
I'm attacking you because it's FUN, dumbshit!
-- Tjames Madison

 

Thefts, car "accidents", inappropriate juvenile touching, assaults, domestic violence, and DUI's are just a part of everyday life in Broomfield.

I don't know why I find police blotter pages so facinating, but I do. I especially love peering in at the steamy underbelly of Broomfield, USA, courtesy of their local newspaper.

From this week's police blotter:

"A juvenile was issued a summons for inappropriately touching another juvenile at 5:30 p.m. at The Bay aquatic center, 250 Lamar St." (It's amazing how a phrase like "Inappropriate touching" can sound so vague and so dirty at the same time.)

"Five juveniles were issued curfew and destruction of property summonses after being contacted at 2:15 a.m. damaging lights near Outlook and Summit trails." (What do you expect them to do after you've taken away all their drugs?)

"A window of a 1996 BMW was discovered broken at 4 p.m. while parked at Sun Microsystems, 500 Eldorado Blvd." (Doesn't "BMW" stand for "Break My Windows?")

"A flower pot was knocked over between July 7 and 7 a.m. July 8 on Willow Run Parkway." (Police are rounding up the usual suspects.)

Every week it's the same. Is there no end to the madness?

Over.  End of Story.  Go home now.

xandria@pigdog.org


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