Build Date: Wed Sep 9 15:44:32 2026 UTC
The future is like walking down some unlit corridor, and it gets darker and darker as you move into it.
-- Jack Valenti
Bush Wins By Incredible Landslide
2000-11-09 13:03:57
So, you've probably seen in the conventional news that the Presidential election is incredibly, painfully close, with one state's electoral votes making the whole difference for the free world. You probably bought a newspaper to get more information, and you're probably watching news shows more, and buying their sponsor's products. That's because you're a total sucker.
Fact is, Bush won over 350 electoral votes, mostly in a landslide, but CNN called up the rest of the news stations and told them they'd all win out if they agreed to report the news in a much more exciting manner. So, instead of the clean, simple vote that actually occurred, we're hearing this hyped-up, it- will-take-weeks version of the story.
It's no big surprise. Sports radio announcers used to do it all the time; long after the baseball game was over, they'd fake a much more exciting sequence of events that would end up, at the end of it, with the same score as the real game, but with a lot more drama.
And so, we're getting the same thing. We're flooded with last-minute-to- midnight images of little old ladies in Florida getting the ballots wrong, voting booths closed and reopened and closed again in Missouri, quirky Gore congratulations-retraction phone calls, press errors, and so on.
The same day in the news, just to let us know that they're making it up, we're informed that a man in San Francisco was arrested for biting his dog. Man bites the dog. The old journalism hack phrase.
Actually, Al Gore dropped out of the race two weeks ago so that he wouldn't be a spoiler candidate to Nader. Nader was then thrown into a bear-fighting pit by Cheney's stormtroopers. No one would run the story, so we still have the fiction of a Gore-Bush race.
But I call bullshit on that. The story of the 2000 Presidential Election is actually the most boring election story ever, and they're just reporting it the way that will sell the most diapers.
Admit. You don't give a shit about the functioning of this country. If you did, you would have written a letter to your congresspeople at some point this year, but you didn't, did you? You're just following the story because it's just like the movies.
WELL, YOU'RE MAN NUMBER THREE, FUCKO! PUT THEM APPLES IN YOUR PIPE AND SMOKE IT!
T O P S T O R I E S
John Dvorak has passed. I’m of mixed emotions. First off I’m more positive about his contribution to the overall technology journalism of the early PC days through the 90s, despite how many things he got wrong. He was a firebrand and commanded attention. (More...)
America's National Recording Registry Inducts Culturally Significant Artist - Weezer!
America's Library of Congress calls them "defining sounds of history and culture" and "audio treasures worthy of preservation for all time based on their cultural, historical or aesthetic importance in the nation’s recorded sound heritage." Ladies and gentlemen, I give you... Weezer! (More...)
The Crossroads are real and The Blues is a place; The enduring myth of Robert Johnson (More...)
California Glory Hole attracts huge crowds
A glory hole at Napa's Lake Berryessa is drawing huge crowds. According to Chris Lee, the general manager for the Solano County Water Agency, the glory hole hasn't been active since 2019, and only restarted operations on Feb 4. (More...)
Republican State Senator busted after soliciting a teenage girl
Republican State Senator Justin Eichorn of Minnesota was arrested for soliciting a teen girl on Monday just hours after he introduced a bill proposing "Trump derangement syndrome" (TDS) as a form of mental illness. (More...)
Parents claim measles is not that bad after having only one child die
The parents of a Texas girl who died from the measles are defending their decision not to vaccinate their daughter. "She says they would still say 'Don't do the shots,'" an unidentified translator for the parents said. "They think it’s not as bad as the media is making it out to be." (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
The Liquidation of Hobo Junction
Albany, CA's homeless hooverville by the Bay, "Hobo Junction," is going to be torn down by The Man. Entrances are already being blocked off, and it's now difficult and dangerous to get there. Worse, these obstacles are making it hard to get to the nearby HORSE TRACK on foot. Local historian, Pao Tzu, has an overview of situation. (More...)
Poor Metallica. All they want is to continue to put out the same weak "Heavy Metal" they've been churning out since the "And Justice For All" days? and make gooey wads of cash in the process. The problem is, people aren't buying their bound for the heavy metal scrap heap, over-produced, uninspired, tired crap. And let's face it, their various commercial endorsements won't pay for the lifestyle they've become comfortably accustomed to. Resorting to lawsuits makes perfect sense, when you need spending money. But just one lawsuit isn't going to pay their bills. So, to aid Metallica, I've composed an open letter to the boys in the band, with suggestions as to whom else they might sic their lapdog lawyers on... (More...)
Patient Joab's scientifick editorial discusses aspect of the space-time-beer continuum never before processed by sub-bush-robot minds!!! Too fabulantastic to contempulate! (More...)
First there was the Bloody Mary: Vodka, Tomato Juice, Worcestershire sauce, some spices, and celery. We drank it, and it was good. Then any drink with tomato juice got a prefix of "bloody" attached to it. We drank them, and they were mostly bad. Now Pigdog gets back to basics and introduces The Bloody Dog, a drink with REAL BLOOD in it. HUMAN BLOOD. (More...)
Paranoid Strippers & Psychotic Crack Dealers (Tales of Christmas Eve)
Christmas day, for the last 17 or so years has bored me. I find that the real fun and excitement always takes place on Christmas Eve. Every other year, it's the excitement of the metaphorical hunt instead of the kill. Otherwise, it's just plain bad craziness. (More...)
Canadia Revealed: A Brief Guide to a Large Country
Recently Pigdog has received many letters from readers who are apparently puzzled and upset by our regular coverage of the mysterious nation north of our border, Canadia. (More...)
