Build Date: Tue Dec 23 13:10:13 2025 UTC
When The Going Gets Weird, The Weird Turn Pro
-- HST
Once More Into the Behavioral Sink, Boys!
2000-05-10 00:28:05
Frankly, I just wanted to use that headline for something. I didn't have anything to go with it, so I looked around and found this story about Bryan Adams, the kind of story that makes you think, "Ick, Bryan Adams!" So now I can use this headline!
Also I get to piss off Canadians some more by using that headling and writing about Bryan Adams. Canadians love Bryan Adams, you see. He is their Cliff Richard, and you just can't tell them they are wrong and stupid for living Bryan Adams, even if they are. It is like if we here in America all got up one day and told the world, "Jim Nabors is our Great National Treasure! No one is a great a singer as Jim Nabors, so fuck off Italy and Spain and all those places with one or more of the Three Tenors! Jim Nabors kicks your BUTT!"
Ah, how dumb we would be. Ergo, Jim Nabors = Bryan Adams, except for exactly real to Canadia. See?!? Would you take any smack from a country like that? I don't think so. Real countries have real heroes. Like we have Mario Andretti. And Austria has Arnold Schwarzenegger. And Jamaica has those bobsled guys. Canadia has Bryan Adams, because that is the sort of chumps that they are up there.
Oh, so the story that the headline goes with! Some venture capitalist in Vancouver got married, and for the entertainment for the wedding, he had Bryan Adams "flown in from London" to play "music." Like Bryan Adams is really just sitting around waiting to be "flown in from London." Right. I bet he was working at a volunteer car wash in Saskatoon when the call came, and just SAID he was in London. And there's a big story about in the Vancouver Sun, because Canadians are desperate people.
I bet if Howie Mandel told jokes at some American guy's wedding, it wouldn't be in any real newspapers. Maybe some kind of giveaway shopper's sheet, but we aren't that kind of people, really.
T O P S T O R I E S
The Crossroads are real and The Blues is a place; The enduring myth of Robert Johnson (More...)
California Glory Hole attracts huge crowds
A glory hole at Napa's Lake Berryessa is drawing huge crowds. According to Chris Lee, the general manager for the Solano County Water Agency, the glory hole hasn't been active since 2019, and only restarted operations on Feb 4. (More...)
Republican State Senator busted after soliciting a teenage girl
Republican State Senator Justin Eichorn of Minnesota was arrested for soliciting a teen girl on Monday just hours after he introduced a bill proposing "Trump derangement syndrome" (TDS) as a form of mental illness. (More...)
Parents claim measles is not that bad after having only one child die
The parents of a Texas girl who died from the measles are defending their decision not to vaccinate their daughter. "She says they would still say 'Don't do the shots,'" an unidentified translator for the parents said. "They think it’s not as bad as the media is making it out to be." (More...)
Delusional rich man tries to fire town staff
"I'm mayor now" said write-in mayoral candidate and founder of Pirate’s Booty Snacks Robert Ehrlich after losing the election for Mayor of Sea Cliff, NY. Then he tried to take over the Village Hall and fire everyone. (More...)
Musk claims Xitter security is staffed by idiots
Earlier this month Xitter experienced a massive outage. In an interview, Musk told Fox Business that he believes the attack came from "IP addresses originating in the Ukraine area." (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
Experimenter is a film released in 2015 starring Peter Sarsgaard. It tells the story of Dr. Stanley Milgram's life, including the infamous Milgram electric shock experiment, tests on crowds, and his work developing a theory on the mechanics of social networks. It currently streams on Netflix. (More...)
Alright kids, this is the column where you write in with the lurid details of your personal lives, and I put them on the Internet for everyone to snicker at. But also, I give you a free Tarot reading, so there's that. (More...)
During a magnificent sunny day in a fast receding autumn, the Spock Science Monitor reporters once again blew the playa dust off of their computers and covered the 2002 Burning Man Decompression – held every year just east of Portola Hill in beautiful San Francisco. Both an afternoon and evening issues were released to the unsuspecting crowd of freaks attempting to in some small way experience the euphoria of the playa – if but for a brief afternoon far from the desolation of Northern Nevada. (More...)
The IBM Selectric Typewriter Changed My Life
I ran my hands lovingly across her frame, lightly brushing her metallic nipples with my fingers, admiring the shapes and the ways of her curves, the empathetic hum she produced as I had my way with her, the way she made it all seem so effortless and right... she didn't even seem to mind the way I roughly manipulated her knobs and tweaked her casing. She was extremely tolerant, for a typewriter. (More...)
One of our star reporters was sent to Comdex by his employer. El Destino reports live from the biggest, geekiest trade show in the world. (More...)
