Build Date: Wed Mar 4 20:30:08 2026 UTC
Of what need is comedy if there is beer?
-- Head Freezin' Gene
Canadia, Land of Perverts
2000-01-11 17:56:37
Well, apparently some institute or other has finally proved what I've believed all along: Canadia is a land teeming with disgusting female perverts of every stripe and hue. Is anyone surprised by this?
That's RIGHT, folks! Apparently going to Canadia is a RISK to your SEXUAL and MENTAL well-being. Canadian pervert women in filthy raincoats ROAM the STREETS in packs! They slobber and sniffle, VOYEURIZING and SADOMASOCHIZING and FROTTAGING everyone they meet. It's horrible!
Anyone who's ever met someone from Canadia KNOWS that they are sex-crazed maniacs with little or no sense of morals or remorse. But not until this survey did we realize the extent of the CANADIAN PERVERT MENACE. They are a danger to the world, with their pervert woman army!
There have been several proposals floated to defend against Canadian pervert-ladies. One of my favorite ideas is building an ANTI-PERVERT Wall of Flame along the entire US-Canadia border. If one of those pervert gangs tried to cross onto US soil, they would be fried to a crisp!
Another, more pacifistic idea is to use humongous trebuchets to launch giganta-huge containers of PERVERT PORN over Canadia and into the Arctic Circle. This would bait the pervert hordes away from the US and into the cold frozen tundras, where they could harm no one.
However it happens, the Canadian pervert menace must be thwarted soon. According to this study, yet more Canadian perverts are born every minute, drooling and twitching in their desire to violate all of us. So read this article and write to your Congressional representative.
[Much thanks to Crackmonkey for the Canadian Pervert Lady alert.]
T O P S T O R I E S
The Crossroads are real and The Blues is a place; The enduring myth of Robert Johnson (More...)
California Glory Hole attracts huge crowds
A glory hole at Napa's Lake Berryessa is drawing huge crowds. According to Chris Lee, the general manager for the Solano County Water Agency, the glory hole hasn't been active since 2019, and only restarted operations on Feb 4. (More...)
Republican State Senator busted after soliciting a teenage girl
Republican State Senator Justin Eichorn of Minnesota was arrested for soliciting a teen girl on Monday just hours after he introduced a bill proposing "Trump derangement syndrome" (TDS) as a form of mental illness. (More...)
Parents claim measles is not that bad after having only one child die
The parents of a Texas girl who died from the measles are defending their decision not to vaccinate their daughter. "She says they would still say 'Don't do the shots,'" an unidentified translator for the parents said. "They think it’s not as bad as the media is making it out to be." (More...)
Delusional rich man tries to fire town staff
"I'm mayor now" said write-in mayoral candidate and founder of Pirate’s Booty Snacks Robert Ehrlich after losing the election for Mayor of Sea Cliff, NY. Then he tried to take over the Village Hall and fire everyone. (More...)
Musk claims Xitter security is staffed by idiots
Earlier this month Xitter experienced a massive outage. In an interview, Musk told Fox Business that he believes the attack came from "IP addresses originating in the Ukraine area." (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
Brother Wayne Lays Down the Truth
Flesh interviews Wayne Kramer of MC5. (More...)
Report from Spiritual Machines
Arkuat gives you the inside scoop on the "Spiritual Machines" panel and conclave. Wacky excitement ensues! (More...)
The Deep Dark Underbelly of the Star Wars Myth, or Ramayana Remembered
It's a fact: Star Wars is a blatant plagiarism of an ancient Asian legend, and the long lines of devout Star Wars freaks are really unscrupulous Asian copyright busters. From Indonesia to Thailand to Nepal, videos are available for sale or rent before they're even released in the US and UK due to this nerdy camcorder-clutching bunch. (More...)
The One I Feel Sorry For Is Joses
We've had a lot of Jesus coverage lately here at the PDJ. But let's face it, we're not exactly cutting-edge in this subject area. Jesus has been making headlines for, oh, I guess it's a couple thousand years now. Jesus is a very strong brand. Jesus has a lot of mindshare. (More...)
An innocent trip to the Central Market resulted in a severe attack of arachnophobia (and a meal) when a depraved street kid set her vicious pet spider on an unsuspecting shopper. (More...)
During a magnificent sunny day in a fast receding autumn, the Spock Science Monitor reporters once again blew the playa dust off of their computers and covered the 2002 Burning Man Decompression – held every year just east of Portola Hill in beautiful San Francisco. Both an afternoon and evening issues were released to the unsuspecting crowd of freaks attempting to in some small way experience the euphoria of the playa – if but for a brief afternoon far from the desolation of Northern Nevada. (More...)
