Build Date: Wed Dec 3 10:20:07 2025 UTC
I sorta want to kill you real bad right now.
-- Tjames Madison
Evil Canadia Poisons The World
2000-01-05 16:27:51
Damn! I was all depressed and hungover after this Y2K thing happened. Life just seems not worth living when you have a chompanyah hangover and civilization is chugging right along as usual. Then I found out that evil Canadia is doing much EVIL in the world! Beaujolais! Canadia-bashing is my favorite sport! So I have something to live for!
The deal is like this: Canadia is like the Number One manufacturer or producer or whatever of the horrible chemmie known as ASBESTOS. Asbestos is, as we all know, really nasty and it gives you bad cancer and stuff. My grandfather used to work in an asbestos plant, and his hair turned GREEN. Really, no shit! Asbestos is bad, bad, bad dangerous evil shit.
Everybody wants to get rid of asbestos because it makes you real real sick. Even the Canadian Junta has declared that all its colonial government buildings and trading posts must be asbestos-free. They're spending kajillions of worthless Canadian pesos on the project. Even France, for example, BANNED asbestos use inside the borders of la Belle Pays in 1997, and a lot of other Euro-trash countries are following suit.
But GET THIS: the oppressive Canadian Junta is CHALLENGING the French asbestos ban in the secret Star Chambers of the well-known Bilderberger side project called the WTO. Why are the Canadians doing this? Because they HATE EVERYBODY. Well, also, because grouchy French Canadians in Quebec are mad that they're losing their poisonous toxic jobs in the asbestos mines, and the Junta is afraid of the plucky Quebecois, who have been known to commit atrocious acts of barbarism when they get hopped up on speed and split-pea soup.
So the Junta will cash in some Masonic New World Order chips with the WTO, and force all French people to eat ASBESTOS FLAKES for breakfast! And because of European unity then all the other Euro-states will have to wash their hair with asbestos shampoo and drive asbestos-upholstered BMWs, too! Damn! This is exactly why everyone HATES Canadia!

T O P S T O R I E S
The Crossroads are real and The Blues is a place; The enduring myth of Robert Johnson (More...)
California Glory Hole attracts huge crowds
A glory hole at Napa's Lake Berryessa is drawing huge crowds. According to Chris Lee, the general manager for the Solano County Water Agency, the glory hole hasn't been active since 2019, and only restarted operations on Feb 4. (More...)
Republican State Senator busted after soliciting a teenage girl
Republican State Senator Justin Eichorn of Minnesota was arrested for soliciting a teen girl on Monday just hours after he introduced a bill proposing "Trump derangement syndrome" (TDS) as a form of mental illness. (More...)
Parents claim measles is not that bad after having only one child die
The parents of a Texas girl who died from the measles are defending their decision not to vaccinate their daughter. "She says they would still say 'Don't do the shots,'" an unidentified translator for the parents said. "They think it’s not as bad as the media is making it out to be." (More...)
Delusional rich man tries to fire town staff
"I'm mayor now" said write-in mayoral candidate and founder of Pirate’s Booty Snacks Robert Ehrlich after losing the election for Mayor of Sea Cliff, NY. Then he tried to take over the Village Hall and fire everyone. (More...)
Musk claims Xitter security is staffed by idiots
Earlier this month Xitter experienced a massive outage. In an interview, Musk told Fox Business that he believes the attack came from "IP addresses originating in the Ukraine area." (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
NASA's Mars missions keep blowing up and crashing, but dammit, when you reach for the stars you have to expect a few minor setbacks. Drink a toast to the men and women of NASA! Toast them with a Lost Probe mixed up with your own two (or three) hands! (More...)
During a magnificent sunny day in a fast receding autumn, the Spock Science Monitor reporters once again blew the playa dust off of their computers and covered the 2002 Burning Man Decompression – held every year just east of Portola Hill in beautiful San Francisco. Both an afternoon and evening issues were released to the unsuspecting crowd of freaks attempting to in some small way experience the euphoria of the playa – if but for a brief afternoon far from the desolation of Northern Nevada. (More...)
The Deep Dark Underbelly of the Star Wars Myth, or Ramayana Remembered
It's a fact: Star Wars is a blatant plagiarism of an ancient Asian legend, and the long lines of devout Star Wars freaks are really unscrupulous Asian copyright busters. From Indonesia to Thailand to Nepal, videos are available for sale or rent before they're even released in the US and UK due to this nerdy camcorder-clutching bunch. (More...)
Patient Joab's scientifick editorial discusses aspect of the space-time-beer continuum never before processed by sub-bush-robot minds!!! Too fabulantastic to contempulate! (More...)
Brother Wayne Lays Down the Truth
Flesh interviews Wayne Kramer of MC5. (More...)
The Innocent San Francisco Mule
Flesh and Abby have moved to an isolated rural location in the United States - equipped only with their sense of adventure. Recently they came down off the mountain briefly to file this report? (More...)