Build Date: Tue Apr 23 17:50:08 2024 UTC

I like to watch things rot.
-- Tjames Madison

Mysterious Special Ed Resurfaces Deep Within Jungle?

by Frankenstein Jones

2003-06-12 07:00:16

The world has held its breath since that fateful day last June when word came that a plane carrying world-renown Beverotologist Special Ed Ward had crashed in the South Pacific, miles from the nearest landmass, all occupants presumed dead.

But things took a strange twist today when Pigdog received the following images, sent ostensibly from an obsolete Xerox 7032/7033I Telecopier. They were accompanied by another image, not shown, which consisted of some weird scribbles and the words "Special Ed Lives" in what appeared to be yak blood or something similar.

When we tried to return a query about possibly speaking with Special Ed or his strange representatives, we were faxed back the following missive in a weird, spidery script:

Hey, man, you don't talk to Special Ed. You listen to him. The man's enlarged my mind. He's a poet-warrior in the classic sense. I mean sometimes he'll, uh, well, you'll say hello to him, right? And he'll just walk right by you, and he won't even notice you. And suddenly he'll grab you, and he'll throw you in a corner, and he'll say do you know that "if" is the middle word in life? "If" you can keep your head when all about you are losing theirs and blaming it on you, "if" you can trust yourself when all men doubt you - I mean I'm no, I can't - I'm a little man, I'm a little man, he's, he's a great man. I should have been a pair of ragged claws scuttling across floors of silent seas...

Pigdog will keep abreast of this story as it develops.

I've seen horrors... horrors that you've seen. But you have no right to call me a murderer.

There they were in a pile. A pile of little arms.

Kill them all!  Kill all the brutes!

Over.  End of Story.  Go home now.

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