Build Date: Tue Jan 14 23:50:12 2025 UTC
Lithium and Depakote and Neurontin work better.
But I'll admit, drinking is more fun.
-- Joe
Mysterious Special Ed Resurfaces Deep Within Jungle?
2003-06-12 07:00:16
The world has held its breath since that fateful day last June when word came that a plane carrying world-renown Beverotologist Special Ed Ward had crashed in the South Pacific, miles from the nearest landmass, all occupants presumed dead.
But things took a strange twist today when Pigdog received the following
images, sent ostensibly from an obsolete Xerox 7032/7033I Telecopier.
They were accompanied by another image, not shown, which consisted of some
weird scribbles and the words "Special Ed Lives" in what appeared to be yak
blood or something similar.
When we tried to return a query about possibly speaking with Special Ed or his strange representatives, we were
faxed back the following missive in a weird, spidery script:
Hey, man, you don't talk to Special Ed. You listen to him. The
man's enlarged my mind. He's a poet-warrior in the classic sense. I mean
sometimes he'll, uh, well, you'll say hello to him, right? And he'll just
walk right by you, and he won't even notice you. And suddenly he'll grab
you, and he'll throw you in a corner, and he'll say do you know that "if"
is the middle word in life? "If" you can keep your head when all about you
are losing theirs and blaming it on you, "if" you can trust yourself when
all men doubt you - I mean I'm no, I can't - I'm a little man, I'm a little
man, he's, he's a great man. I should have been a pair of ragged claws scuttling
across floors of silent seas...
Pigdog will keep abreast of this story as it develops.
T O P S T O R I E S
The Future Ain't What It Used To Be
Ideas have taken horrifying shape and rooted into our modern reality. (More...)
The Once & Future King of Dust
Only The Onion could have acquired Infowarts. (More...)
Another Nobel Prize-Winning Author Describes Drunkenness
This book won a Pulitzer Prize. Here's its famous paragraph on getting drunk... (More...)
Why I'm pretty sure JD Vance had sex with a couch
True or false? The answers await us in that magical land where all truths are revealed -- the internet. (More...)
In 2010 Dr. Cheng-Huai Ruan discovered a way to cause a patient with an abnormal heartbeat to get back into a normal rhythm by sticking a finger up the patient's ass. (More...)
WKRP in Cincinnati aired from 1978 through 1982. Howard Hesseman played Dr. Johnny Fever, a DJ from Los Angeles who was fired from his previous job for saying the word "booger" on the air. In the show Hesseman would do some dialogue, introduce a song, and start the song. You'd hear a few notes, but never the whole song. (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
High Availability Guinness Stress Test
All too often we forget the incredible depth of technology behind the weekly ritual of TNiPN@*. We tend to only become aware of the strategy of High Available Guinness (HAG) when it rises to the forefront during a complete and utter venue failure. Yet we should all be super grateful that this system exists. (More...)
A Day in the Life of a Beverotologist
It was starting to look like a very boring Saturday, trapped as I was in the suburban wastelands of the outer Bay Area, so I called my Able Assistant (AA) and proposed that we perform some Spocktail field tests. For some time I've been working on creating the quintessential cinematic beverage and even tho' SMRL does most of its testing during nocturnal hours, this seemed an opportune time to roll up the sleeves of our labcoats and get some science done. While the beverotology creation tested this day (The Neurotoxin) must be deemed a success, this article focuses more the journey of the experimenters, rather then the science of beverotology. (More...)
Australian Troops Set for Days of Debauchery to the Tunes of Kylie Minogue
This weekend Australian troops in East Timor will be able to put their feet up and push all the images of mass graves and charred remains from their minds as they relax to the giddy melodies of Kylie Minogue - including exclusive unplugged performances in the militia-ravaged and blood-spattered border towns of Balibo and Suai. (More...)
Brother Wayne Lays Down the Truth
Flesh interviews Wayne Kramer of MC5. (More...)
Hooray! At long last, a NEW Spocktail of the Week! Kid-tested, mother-approved! (More...)
Johnnie Royale's Guide to Wakes
Wakes can present problems for Bad People of the Future. (If you don't know what a BPotF is, you need to read more of the PDJ.) Sure, your friend is gone and you miss him and that really sucks; it does, I know. But all Bad People of the Future are gonna die, and they have all accepted that fact. They do deserve, however, to have one final kickass party to celebrate all the bad things they've done in the past, present and future. And you, as a friend, have to make sure that their desire for a final send off is well executed (sorry for the pun). That's just the way of BPotFdom. (More...)