Build Date: Mon May 20 18:50:06 2024 UTC

I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult.
-- Rita Rudner

Milk Sucks. Got Beer?

by Baron Earl

2001-02-12 23:05:57

PETA (No, not the People for Eating Tasty Animals, the OTHER PETA, the one with no sense of humor), has decided to CAVE IN to pressure from Mothers Against Drunk Drivers and ABANDON the ABSOLUTE BEST IDEA they ever came up with.

PETA, aka "People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals," doesn't want people to drink milk unless that milk doesn't actually come from an animal.

Soy milk. Wheat grass milk. Old mushrooms strained through a coffee filter milk. THOSE kinds of milk are OK. Milk that comes from cows, that you might actually ENJOY drinking, is verboten.

You can imagine just how effective an advertising campaign would be that tells college students, "Don't drink cow milk, drink this healthy and cow-friendly SOY MILK." OK, a few mush-heads would go for it, but most people, if you could persuade them to even try soy milk, would spit it out as soon as it hit their taste buds.

What to do? Instead of getting kids to switch from cow milk to nasty old soy milk, PETA decided to persuade them to switch to something that college students really, really like: BEER!

Thus was born PETA's brilliant ad campaign: "Milk Sucks. Got Beer?"

Consider these important facts (from the PETA-sponsored web site):

  • Beer has zero fat; milk is loaded with fat.
  • Beer has zero cholesterol; milk contains 20 mg of cholesterol in every 8-oz. serving.
  • Beer doesn't contain hormones or antibiotics, while milk contains an ever-increasing variety of the pesticides and antibiotics fed to cows, including rBGH, the notorious growth hormone that can give guys breasts.
  • Beer has half a gram of fiber in every cup; milk has no fiber whatsoever.
  • Beer has only 12 mg of sodium per cup. Milk is sky-high in the stuff.
  • Beer has 3 grams of complex carbohydrates in a 12-oz. glass; milk has no complex carbohydrates.

See? You give students an alternative to animal products, one they actually like, then you give them lots of NIFTY FACTS to back up that choice. What's more, if you can get those students drunk enough, PETA's other ideas start sounding like they make a whole lot of sense!

MADD responded to PETA's campaign with a letter urging PETA to "please do the right thing and stop asking students to drink alcohol." That was all it took. PETA caved in to the pressure and pulled the ad campaign from college campuses.

Let PETA know how you feel! Don't take this lying down! If PETA stops this campaign now MILLIONS of college students will lack logical and reasonable excuses to become binge drinking, alcoholic adults. Write to PETA today at and make your voice heard!

Over.  End of Story.  Go home now.

T O P   S T O R I E S

Powered by Perl

C L A S S I C   P I G D O G