Build Date: Sun Jan 18 02:20:05 2026 UTC
The mouth of a perfectly happy man is filled with beer
-- Some drunk Egyptian 2200 B.C.
Lucas isn't God
1999-01-11 15:01:00
...declares CNN movie reviewer Paul Tartara in a scathing OP-Ed in which he states that the Star Wars zealots have no right to bitch that now non-deity Lucas is going only make six of the planned nine movies in the series. The article is sure to inflame the wrath of the Faithful Followers of Han and Luke and Leia, already reeling from the news that the series is now half over.
When Noted Pigdog Editor and Star Wars aficionado, Mr. Bad, was asked to comment on Tartara piece after reading it, he was quoted as saying "ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHH" and "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGH". Later, Mr. Bad was found curled up in a fetal position sucking his thumb in the back corner of the Pigdog Publishing House and Y2K Survival Bunker mumbling "I can't believe it. I just can't believe Threepio and Artoo are gay and that Leia turns into an alcoholic" completely ignoring the fact the Carrie Fisher has done time at the Betty Ford Clinic for Well-heeled Overindulgers and the Threepio and Artoo are really nothing more the smallish actors inside of metal costumes.
Anyway, you can read the piece for yourself and see where Tartara completely oversteps the bounds of journalistic good tastes when he praises movies such as Tucker and then writes "(Threepio and Artoo) reappear briefly in Episode VIII: 'Not Much Happening,' during which Artoo has a torrid affair with a vacuum cleaner played by Delta Burke."
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