Build Date: Fri Apr 10 11:40:08 2026 UTC
Jeez, man. Why're you so eldritch tonight?
-- Crackmonkey
Hijacker Just Wanted to Fly Plane
1999-07-24 11:12:39
This story has something for everyone! There's knife-wielding hijackers! There's terror at 20,000 feet! There's Pokemon! There's the influence of evil video games!! It's great!
So this crazy Japanese guy just loves flight simulator games, like, a lot. Like he likes them so bad he goes out and hijacks a Boeing 747! He stabs the pilot a whole bunch until he's dead and then he takes over the controls. Only I guess he wasn't always the high scorer on those flight simulators cause the plane goes into a dive and drops a thousand feet in like a minute. This is enough for the co-pilot and some other pilot-type who just happened to be on the flight to figure out something's not quite right. So they bust down the door and tackle the guy and tie him up with neckties.
But now the door to the cockpit is open and all the passangers, who just plunged 1,000 feet in a minute, can see this dead pilot guy all covered with blood and some crazy guy all tied up with neck ties screaming in Japanese about Wing Comander II and so they start freaking out. Luckily, the plane is stocked with mind-numbing trance-inducing Pokemon videos! The flight crew pops a few of those babies into the VCR-- or what ever they use to make plane movies go-- and Boom! order is restored. Well-- except of course for the dead guy and the crazy guy tied up with neckties, but that's about as close as you're gonna get to a happy ending these days...
T O P S T O R I E S
The Crossroads are real and The Blues is a place; The enduring myth of Robert Johnson (More...)
California Glory Hole attracts huge crowds
A glory hole at Napa's Lake Berryessa is drawing huge crowds. According to Chris Lee, the general manager for the Solano County Water Agency, the glory hole hasn't been active since 2019, and only restarted operations on Feb 4. (More...)
Republican State Senator busted after soliciting a teenage girl
Republican State Senator Justin Eichorn of Minnesota was arrested for soliciting a teen girl on Monday just hours after he introduced a bill proposing "Trump derangement syndrome" (TDS) as a form of mental illness. (More...)
Parents claim measles is not that bad after having only one child die
The parents of a Texas girl who died from the measles are defending their decision not to vaccinate their daughter. "She says they would still say 'Don't do the shots,'" an unidentified translator for the parents said. "They think it’s not as bad as the media is making it out to be." (More...)
Delusional rich man tries to fire town staff
"I'm mayor now" said write-in mayoral candidate and founder of Pirate’s Booty Snacks Robert Ehrlich after losing the election for Mayor of Sea Cliff, NY. Then he tried to take over the Village Hall and fire everyone. (More...)
Musk claims Xitter security is staffed by idiots
Earlier this month Xitter experienced a massive outage. In an interview, Musk told Fox Business that he believes the attack came from "IP addresses originating in the Ukraine area." (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
Hooray! At long last, a NEW Spocktail of the Week! Kid-tested, mother-approved! (More...)
A Blast from the Past! Pao Tzu goes over and under the crucial variables in the production and consumption of Salvia Divinorum. A must read for psychonauts of all stripes. (More...)
Johnnie Royale's Guide to Wakes
Wakes can present problems for Bad People of the Future. (If you don't know what a BPotF is, you need to read more of the PDJ.) Sure, your friend is gone and you miss him and that really sucks; it does, I know. But all Bad People of the Future are gonna die, and they have all accepted that fact. They do deserve, however, to have one final kickass party to celebrate all the bad things they've done in the past, present and future. And you, as a friend, have to make sure that their desire for a final send off is well executed (sorry for the pun). That's just the way of BPotFdom. (More...)
Vacationing from Somnambulant Narrow Realities
So about six months ago, I was chilling in Chang Mai, Thailand with ICBINJ, perursing the Bangkok Times over my banana pancake and Big Chang breakfast when I spotted this article reprinted from the LA Times. It was about some kooks from California (where else?) who were claiming to have been to the front lines in Afgahnistan in mid-December and had recorded the whole feat on their website. "Holy Fuck!" I thought, "Now That's web journalism. Who are these guys!?" (More...)
Patient Joab's scientifick editorial discusses aspect of the space-time-beer continuum never before processed by sub-bush-robot minds!!! Too fabulantastic to contempulate! (More...)
"Gee, I wish I was older."
"So do I." (More...)
