Build Date: Tue Feb 17 18:50:05 2026 UTC
I had a beer at lunch.
-- Dick Cheney
13-year-old Swindles New York!
1999-06-29 17:15:37
HA ha! This crazy Honduran boy had everybody thinking his life was SOOOO REALLY HORRIBLE! When, in fact, it was only just kinda really horrible, now everybody wants him to give back his rollerblades and ice cream. Gee Wiz, those crazy third-world kids! What'll they think of next?
So, here's the scoop: 13-year-old Honduran boy shows up in a Miami dinner claiming to have walked and hitchhiked all the way from Honduras to find his long lost father in New York. Supposedly his whole family was wiped out in Hurricane Mitch and his father is his only hope! This nice folks at the dinner all chip in 109 bucks to buythe kid a bus ticket and off he goes to the big apple, where he becomes an overnight celebrity. He gets his photo taken with important people, he's in all the newspapers, he gets new clothes, rollerblades, and free food from cops, taxi drivers, and politicians. BUT IT WAS ALL A BIG FAT LIE!
Now everyone's feeling all hurt and used and stuff because, while they thought he was worthy of their love, attention, and gifts becuase of the HORRIBLE HARDSHIPS he had survived. It turns out ALL he's had to REALLY deal with is his father dying from AIDS, being shipped back and forth between realtives in Honduras and various parts of Florida (the article sorta mentions that his mother lives in the industrial town of Choloma, but has had nothing to do with raising "the boy," so you see, he's not really an orphan), and the fact that his grandmother plans to send him to reform school as soon as she gets him back. Oh, and the part of Honduras he lived in "was not seriously affected by the hurricane, which devastated much of the country." -- so you see, this boy is just a BAD SEED who tried to abuse the KINDNESS of strangers. POOR, POOR Mayor Rudolph Giuliani!! While he ever learn to TRUST a CHILD AGAIN?!
Oh, and the stuck the kid in some foster home until this all gets sorted out...in case you cared, at all, which you shouldn't cause they're all lying and just trying to get you to buy them food and stuff...
T O P S T O R I E S
The Crossroads are real and The Blues is a place; The enduring myth of Robert Johnson (More...)
California Glory Hole attracts huge crowds
A glory hole at Napa's Lake Berryessa is drawing huge crowds. According to Chris Lee, the general manager for the Solano County Water Agency, the glory hole hasn't been active since 2019, and only restarted operations on Feb 4. (More...)
Republican State Senator busted after soliciting a teenage girl
Republican State Senator Justin Eichorn of Minnesota was arrested for soliciting a teen girl on Monday just hours after he introduced a bill proposing "Trump derangement syndrome" (TDS) as a form of mental illness. (More...)
Parents claim measles is not that bad after having only one child die
The parents of a Texas girl who died from the measles are defending their decision not to vaccinate their daughter. "She says they would still say 'Don't do the shots,'" an unidentified translator for the parents said. "They think it’s not as bad as the media is making it out to be." (More...)
Delusional rich man tries to fire town staff
"I'm mayor now" said write-in mayoral candidate and founder of Pirate’s Booty Snacks Robert Ehrlich after losing the election for Mayor of Sea Cliff, NY. Then he tried to take over the Village Hall and fire everyone. (More...)
Musk claims Xitter security is staffed by idiots
Earlier this month Xitter experienced a massive outage. In an interview, Musk told Fox Business that he believes the attack came from "IP addresses originating in the Ukraine area." (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
An innocent trip to the Central Market resulted in a severe attack of arachnophobia (and a meal) when a depraved street kid set her vicious pet spider on an unsuspecting shopper. (More...)
From the mixed up files of citizen 566-77-0776 (More...)
This was an old standby back in my poor college days. Back then the goal was to get butt fucking wasted for as little money as possible. The problem was we hated dirt cheap beer - and some weekends, even Henry's was far more lucre then we could scratch together. So we invented Red. (More...)
Pao Tzu: Obtaining San Pedro Cactus
Horticultural clone master, Pao Tzu, guides you through the ins and outs of stealing hallucinogenic cacti from your neighbors' yards. Ooh la la! (More...)
Grow better illegal mushrooms than lousy "Psilocybe fanaticus"
Disclaimer: PaoTzu's a1 illegal mushroom cultivation cookbook is meant for educational purposes only. Be aware of the techniques used by hardcore criminals! Protect your children! Read, learn, educate. Do not try this at home. (More...)
The quest for knowledge never ends at the super top secret Spock Mountain Laboratory, although it is frequently interrupted by beverage breaks. Recently, a team of crack ethnomixologists returned from a dangerous expedition to the frozen expanse of Canada with the much sought recipe for a Spocktail that is destined to replace blunt force head trauma as the major cause of brain damage in the civilized world. (More...)
