Build Date: Thu Feb 12 07:10:05 2026 UTC
Oh good; more stupid. We were running low.
-- S. Dallas, Esq.
Female Sexual Pleasure Outlawed in Alabama
1999-02-17 20:49:00
Those crazy fundamentalist freaks have fucked one too many cousin! In a bill past late last year, Alabama lawfuckers outlawed strip clubs and "items to enhance sex" such as vibrators and even some condoms. The ACLU is suing their slimy backwoods asses for invasion of privacy. They also noticed that Viagra is perfectly legal and paid for by most health insure and that virtually all of the "items" in question are used by (or on) women. Seeing as how, for some women, foreplay is a not an optional part of the sexual situation (in fact some women _only_ get off with a little help from modern technology) this seems more than a little unfair.
This is nothing new. In the 1600s, a Scottish doctor complained in his notes that over half the women in Scotland use dildoes. In the good ol' days that these Alabama idiots want to drag us back to, women went to their doctors to have "hysterical spasms" induced--in other words, their doctors would jill them off so they wouldn't go crazy from bad sex. The vibrator was actually invented 'cause doctors were sick of doing all the work (apparently you can't even pay guys for foreplay). They used to be sold in every women's magazine until they started showing up in pornos and people couldn't pretend that they didn't know what they were really for (shoulder massager my ass).
The real fucking scary part is that this story is a 10 line blurb in the "Oddly Enough" section of Yahoo! News. Wanna guess what page it would be on if some state outlawed Viagra?
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