Build Date: Sat Mar 15 10:31:04 2025 UTC
Check's in the mail. Don't cash it until the year 2002.
-- Tjames Madison
Rock For Life
1999-03-22 16:35:00
There are some bad people out there, and I don't mean bad in a good way, who think their band will sell more records if it's featured on a web page with a picture of a fetus jamming on guitar.
In addition to their insightful political invectives (President Clinton: Do not mock God) -- well, wait a minute. Fuck correct grammar and forget that half-finished thought. _Do not mock God_? What's that about? Is that good advice for a leader of a nation? I mean, sure, it's probably not a great idea to taunt a being of vast power, but what the hell is that supposed to mean? That goes under "sage advice," along with "Don't tug on Superman's cape." I'll remember that for future reference. I'm sure it'll come in handy some day.
Okay, Okay, I'll get on with it.
This site invites you to boycott all pro-choice rock and rollers out there. As if I knew who any were. But even if I did, and even if I cared to support their cause, I'm sure I'd be turned away by the background image on this hideously designed Web site. It might be funny as a parody, but as a site trying to promote fetus-worship it just seems distasteful.
This site also features a list of pro-life and pro-choice (they call it pro-abortion like all the other rabid bastards that think that terminating a pregnancy is bad but that somehow killing grown-up people is OK) bands, so we can make informed listening choices. The list of pro-life bands is much longer than the list of pro-choice bands, but on closer inspection nine out of ten of the pro-choice bands are recognizable names, whereas out of 170 pro-life rock bands listed, I've only heard of three (MC Hammer, The Cranberries, and a name I didn't recognize, but who was formerly a member of 2 Live Crew--talk about a total "John Stamos' Brother" deal...) and there were multiple duplicates to pad the list.
Yuck.
T O P S T O R I E S
The Future Ain't What It Used To Be
Ideas have taken horrifying shape and rooted into our modern reality. (More...)
The Once & Future King of Dust
Only The Onion could have acquired Infowarts. (More...)
Another Nobel Prize-Winning Author Describes Drunkenness
This book won a Pulitzer Prize. Here's its famous paragraph on getting drunk... (More...)
Why I'm pretty sure JD Vance had sex with a couch
True or false? The answers await us in that magical land where all truths are revealed -- the internet. (More...)
In 2010 Dr. Cheng-Huai Ruan discovered a way to cause a patient with an abnormal heartbeat to get back into a normal rhythm by sticking a finger up the patient's ass. (More...)
WKRP in Cincinnati aired from 1978 through 1982. Howard Hesseman played Dr. Johnny Fever, a DJ from Los Angeles who was fired from his previous job for saying the word "booger" on the air. In the show Hesseman would do some dialogue, introduce a song, and start the song. You'd hear a few notes, but never the whole song. (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
NASA's Mars missions keep blowing up and crashing, but dammit, when you reach for the stars you have to expect a few minor setbacks. Drink a toast to the men and women of NASA! Toast them with a Lost Probe mixed up with your own two (or three) hands! (More...)
Hooray! At long last, a NEW Spocktail of the Week! Kid-tested, mother-approved! (More...)
It’s election night. My wife and I are holed-up in this hotel that my political party has rented out for the evening. Outside, people are being violently beaten for whom they voted for. Is this South Africa? Perhaps we’re in Haiti or some Southern state during the 60’s. Of all the places where this sort of thing happens, it’s mind-boggling that we are in Portland, Maine. (More...)
During a magnificent sunny day in a fast receding autumn, the Spock Science Monitor reporters once again blew the playa dust off of their computers and covered the 2002 Burning Man Decompression – held every year just east of Portola Hill in beautiful San Francisco. Both an afternoon and evening issues were released to the unsuspecting crowd of freaks attempting to in some small way experience the euphoria of the playa – if but for a brief afternoon far from the desolation of Northern Nevada. (More...)
Spock Went, Spock Wrote, Spock Kicked Ass
Every Labor Day weekend a large portion of the PDJ staff joins 30,000 other freaks at one of the biggest and strangest art festivals in the world - Burning Man - somewhere on the edge of the Black Rock Desert. Our base of operations is always the ultra swank Spock Mountain Research Labs - the World Leaders in Beverage Science and Leisure Technology. This year, we hauled up our computers, printers and a massive digital duplicator, determined to become Black Rock City's third daily newspaper. Even Spock was surprised by our success - news will never be viewed the same on the playa. Read all seven issues of the 2002 Spock Science Monitor for yourself and see why. (More...)
Johnny Royale loves his Trackman ultra pointer thingy. It's coolio! Read all about it! (More...)
