Build Date: Sun Jun 16 15:50:07 2024 UTC
Manic Depression is so 1995, man.
-- Tjames Madison
Tobacco Industry Sues Other Tobacco Industry
2000-02-08 12:18:26
I think no one would have bothered having a Civil War if they knew that a hundred and fifty years ago, the main cash crop of the South would be massive civil liability. Actually, I'm just babbling.
So here's how I see it, these days: every judge out there is willing to just sort of rubber stamp lawsuits against the tobacco industry. Except maybe in North Carolina, where everyone is the tobacco industry's bitch.
I mean, I saw some ads saying things like "Don't believe Tobacco Industry Lies. They'll say anything for money." And at the bottom, in not-quite-so- small print, it says that the ad was paid for by a lawsuit against the tobacco industry. Can you imagine anything so humiliating? Maybe they should force by lawsuit for all the tobacco executives to public announce that they are bad people. And they can't wear any clothes.
Anyway, so the tobacco industry has made a lot of money over the years, and has it all stored up in nice, easy bundles of billions of dollars. So it's like a big clearinghouse! Just write an essay of 100 words or less about why you are entitled to billions of dollars from the tobacco industry and you could be the next winner!
The next people lining up to sue the tobacco industry are... the tobacco industry!
Cigarette wholesalers are suing tobacco companies now, in a large class action clusterfuck, for price fixing. There will be billions of dollars involved.
Like, all cigarette wholesalers suing all tobacco manufacture companies.
Normally, you'd think that an entire segment of industry would not attempt to alienate itself from another entire segment of industry on which they're dependent. In this case, though, I'm sure they'll make more money by suing than by trying to continue business with a sinking ship.
This is what I'd calling "sacking and looting," only on a wide litigation- oriented sort of order.
Chomp chomp chomp!
T O P S T O R I E S
In 2010 Dr. Cheng-Huai Ruan discovered a way to cause a patient with an abnormal heartbeat to get back into a normal rhythm by sticking a finger up the patient's ass. (More...)
WKRP in Cincinnati aired from 1978 through 1982. Howard Hesseman played Dr. Johnny Fever, a DJ from Los Angeles who was fired from his previous job for saying the word "booger" on the air. In the show Hesseman would do some dialogue, introduce a song, and start the song. You'd hear a few notes, but never the whole song. (More...)
SF Hippies Can't Get Their Act Together
The annual 420 Hippie Hill event in Golden Gate Park, where large crowds of hippies, wannabe hippies, and hippie poseurs drape themselves in tie dye t-shirts and gather on a hill on 4/20 to smoke weed, was cancelled this year because the organizers couldn't get their act together. (More...)
Mozart to be inducted into the Rock 'n Roll Hall of Fame
Joining such hard-rocking inductees as Abba, Chet Atkins, Nat King Cole, and Neil Diamond, the Rock 'n Roll Hall of Fame is proud to induct Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart. (More...)
Gary Busey definitely involved in a hit and run accident
Gary Busey was definitely involved in a hit-and-run accident, but won't face any charges because he's rich and famous. (More...)
Gary Busey allegedly involved in Malibu hit-and-run
"Sir! You hit my car! I need your information!" the woman yelled at Gary Busey driving a battered Volvo station wagon before he sped off. (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
The end of summer is near and sirens call of Black Rock City are beginning to summons Pigdoggers from all of the world to Burning Man. Spock Mountain Research Labs (SMRL), the world leader in beverage science and leisure technology will be at our second home for a week at 5:00 and Infant (how fitting) as we enjoy the liberated lifestyle of a temporary community 200 miles from nowhere... (More...)
It’s election night. My wife and I are holed-up in this hotel that my political party has rented out for the evening. Outside, people are being violently beaten for whom they voted for. Is this South Africa? Perhaps we’re in Haiti or some Southern state during the 60’s. Of all the places where this sort of thing happens, it’s mind-boggling that we are in Portland, Maine. (More...)
Clowns Take on God in Mysterious Annual Ceremony
Last Sunday's (the 6th) Grimaldi Service at a small church in East London was a red-letter day for clowns worldwide. About a hundred old-school red-nosed clowns made the sombre trip to darkest Dalston to pay their respects to clowns who died in the last year and to thank God for the gift of laughter in a bizarre ceremony presided over by the eccentric Reverend Clown Roly, resplendent in a garish red lumberjack shirt with oversized gold lapels. (More...)
Eavesdropping on Geeks: 'Star Trek: Discovery' vs 'The Orville'
If you broke into Pigdog's top sekrit headquarters, spying on their mysterious mix of weird science and old-skool geekiness, you'd overhear this conversation: (More...)
A Day in the Life of a Beverotologist
It was starting to look like a very boring Saturday, trapped as I was in the suburban wastelands of the outer Bay Area, so I called my Able Assistant (AA) and proposed that we perform some Spocktail field tests. For some time I've been working on creating the quintessential cinematic beverage and even tho' SMRL does most of its testing during nocturnal hours, this seemed an opportune time to roll up the sleeves of our labcoats and get some science done. While the beverotology creation tested this day (The Neurotoxin) must be deemed a success, this article focuses more the journey of the experimenters, rather then the science of beverotology. (More...)
I just came across this coolio essay by Pigdog Journal Science Editor binky wedged between two staves in the back corner of the submissions barrel. It's on the origin of the cyberbilly and is definitely de rigeur for any serious student of this fascinating sociological movement. (More...)
