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Government Shutdown as Rabid Bats Swarm Northern Mexico
1999-06-07 21:24:10

Animal Rampage
put down the patchouli
-- Donkey Hotey


AUGH! Rabid bats are swarming over the villages and towns of Northern Mexico, carrying away infants in their dripping septic jaws!

The Mexican news agency UPI reports that LOTS of people have been attacked by these flying rodents of the night! The bastardly mammals -- no better than squirrels, in this reporter's opinion -- have SHUT DOWN the bustling economy of Northern Mexico, turning it into an arid wasteland of BAT FEAR!

The horrendous androphagic bats thrive in the SWELTERING HEAT! It causes their bacterial BRAIN infections to fester and DRIVE THEM MAD with HATE! It does not take a BAT BIOLOGIST to know that humans will be the losers in this DIABOLICAL EQUATION.

The crazed flesh-eating bat situation is so horrific that the Mexican government has SEALED OFF THE AREA. But will that be enough? Can the HOT RABID BATS of MEXICO be stopped? Or is this a potential KILLER BEE situation requiring the FULL FORCE OF THE UNITED STATES MILITARY to stave off MEXICAN BLOODBAT BLITZKRIEGS throughout the American Southwest?!?!

Only time will tell. Keep your eye on this bat thing, folks.

Over.  End of Story.  Go home now.


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