Pavement Soaked in Blood After Vicious Squirrel Attack
2002-11-12 19:39:15

Animal Rampage
The scarcity of public booze fountains is a major sore point with me.
-- Johnnie Royale


In yet another squirrel attack, a small girl in England was brutally assaulted by a gray squirrel. The squirrel sank its fangs into the girl's forehead, blood sprayed from the wound, the girl spun round and round, but the squirrel would not release its death grip. Finally the girl's mother wrestled her to the ground and forced the squirrel to withdraw.

Several residents in the small town of Cheshire had been the victims of unprovoked squirrel attacks in recent weeks. People stopped going out at night. Restaurants and bars remained empty. Streets were silent except for the faint "t-t-t-t" sound of the squirrels planning their next attack.

One brave man was not going to take this any more. The girl's grandfather, Geoff Horth, took matters into his own hands and shot a squirrel dead with a high-powered assault weapon known locally as an "air rifle".

Whether this act of vigilante justice will end this matter remains unknown, because one gray squirrel looks pretty much like another. Only time will tell, but for now, the body count has stopped rising.

Over.  End of Story.  Go home now.

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