Build Date: Tue Apr 16 19:50:05 2024 UTC

I must have eaten some really stupid people's brains.
-- Downer Cow

My Pseudojournalism Is Yellow!

by Miles Standish

2001-05-19 01:24:47

A few days ago I urged you all to go hunt this ape-monster. What have I wrought?

Wow. Now there's bands of angry Indians roaming the streets, looking for the ape-monster. Some people say it's a person in an ape mask, and those very same people are going around beating up suspected ape-mask-wearers. Like, they find people sleeping on roofs, and beat them up because they might be the ape-man! Torch wielding mobs! Violence in the streets! Anarchy! Lions having sex with lambs and creating leo-sheep-things! Um, what was I talking about again?

Oh, the ape guy. Apparently, it's got metal claws, red eyes, and green glowing chest. Police are talking about mass "fear psychosis", but there's also a $1000 reward for capturing the ape-monster, so it's sort of a mixed message.

One such rioter was quoted as saying, "Uh, I'm just here to take pictures of the monkey-man. Oh, and Pigdog told me to say they sent me."

Okay, I'm lying about that last part.

Over.  End of Story.  Go home now.

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