Enraged Bull Leaves Wake of Destruction in Helpless Spokane!!!
2000-05-01 15:49:22

Animal Rampage
Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.
-- Benjamin Franklin


Spokane, WA has been the latest victim of an ANIMAL RAMPAGE in North America. A maddened 2,000-lb. bull, driven insane by the torture and taunts of a rodeo crowd, threw its rider, broke out of the ring and ran wild in the streets of Spokane!

The frenzied animal charged through the streets of this tiny town, easily out-weighing all the police cars on Spokane's puny force. Despite SHOTGUN BLASTS from Spokane's finest, it continued running, crunching a compact car like a Mountain Dew can in the process!

Amazingly, this out-of-control behemoth managed to escape into the woods! It made a break for it, and then got out to freedom! As of this writing, the huge rhinoceros-like creature is still at large, knocking over might redwoods and gigantic boulders in its total furor of destruction.

Police have asked Spokane residents to keep an eye out for the bull. The bull is 6'-4" tall, about 8-1/2' long, brick red with matted sweaty fur, razor-sharp hooves, and telltale buckshot scars on its monumental ass. It will be readily recognizable as a gigantic, hairy bovine creature snorting huge gusts of steam out of its bloodied snout like a demon from Hell's worst nightmare as it crushes automobiles, backhoes, small homes, freeway overpasses, and anything else that stands in its way.

If you DO encounter the bull, DO NOT try to confront it! Instead, play music of unearthly beauty on your violin that will soothe and charm the savage beast. When it is overcome with aesthetic emotions and subdued, hit it on the head with a shovel.

This is one really angry bull, folks. We haven't had any Animal Rampage stories on PDJ for a while -- I think the good economy has kept most of them employed and relatively happy -- but this MAY be a sign of new rampages to come. Who knows what kind of gentle monsters will be driven OVER THE EDGE in the next few days -- especially having heard of this bull's successful bid for freedom?

Over.  End of Story.  Go home now.

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