What's For Lunch At Cafe Columbine?
2000-11-17 15:29:08

All Bad People of the Future had shitty lives as Miserable People of the Past.
-- Johnnie Royale


It was only a matter of time. The infamous Columbine High School cafeteria closed-circuit videotape has found it's way onto the Internet, despite the objections and pleas of the families of the victims, to feed your unquenchable morbid curiosity.

But let's not dwell on the ethical issues. It's online, and nothing can change that. Instead, as you watch the videotape, think about some of these overlooked points as the controversial footage plays on your monitor:

1. Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold should have built test bombs, before deploying the ones they had all over the school.

2. Harris and Klebold were terrible shots. They certainly would have benefited from taking basic marksman courses offered by their local NRA chapter.

3. No one was killed because they dared to say "Yes" the question "Do you believe in Jesus?" but I am a firm believer that the two families on the fundamentalist Christian lecture circuit should be shot for claiming that their kids were killed for that reason.

4. The videotape really isn't all that exciting.

Over.  End of Story.  Go home now.


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