Build Date: Tue Mar 18 22:50:17 2025 UTC
I am the Radiskull. I'll kill you one by one.
-- Radiskull
Naked Man Strapped to SUV
2000-03-03 12:05:02
A 350-pound man is tied, naked and spread-eagled, to the roof of a Ford Explorer.
It's just another commute in North Carolina.
The public nudity was intended to protest the price of gasoline. The protesters' destination was the state capitol, but "the driver got lost," the Raleigh News & Observer reported. Mothers driving children to school phoned 911, and the naked man "sent police scrambling to restore order."
The driver was charged by police with "aiding and abetting indecent exposure." And the big guy strapped to the car? John "Big Flash" Hartnett was charged with indecent exposure, disorderly conduct and "violating a city ordinance against riding on a car roof," Police Captain D.S. Overman told the Raleigh News & Observer. "Everybody's upset about higher gas prices," he observed, "but there's a better way to handle it."
But shed no tears; life goes on for these brave North Carolineans. Facing criminals charges, the radio station staffers organizing the event moved on, promoting an enchanting evening at their "Second Chance Prom" with Rick Springfield. Tickets are $40 per person plus a service charge.
This story sends many messages -- about public nudity, North Carolina, and the people who drive SUVs. And, come to think of it, about stupid radio stations. But one hundred years from now, people will shake their heads in wonder at a time when fat men couldn't ride through the streets of their own town, strapped naked to the roof of an SUV, without facing criminal charges. I think this should be an issue in the next Presidential campaign.
T O P S T O R I E S
The Future Ain't What It Used To Be
Ideas have taken horrifying shape and rooted into our modern reality. (More...)
The Once & Future King of Dust
Only The Onion could have acquired Infowarts. (More...)
Another Nobel Prize-Winning Author Describes Drunkenness
This book won a Pulitzer Prize. Here's its famous paragraph on getting drunk... (More...)
Why I'm pretty sure JD Vance had sex with a couch
True or false? The answers await us in that magical land where all truths are revealed -- the internet. (More...)
In 2010 Dr. Cheng-Huai Ruan discovered a way to cause a patient with an abnormal heartbeat to get back into a normal rhythm by sticking a finger up the patient's ass. (More...)
WKRP in Cincinnati aired from 1978 through 1982. Howard Hesseman played Dr. Johnny Fever, a DJ from Los Angeles who was fired from his previous job for saying the word "booger" on the air. In the show Hesseman would do some dialogue, introduce a song, and start the song. You'd hear a few notes, but never the whole song. (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
Brother Wayne Lays Down the Truth
Flesh interviews Wayne Kramer of MC5. (More...)
We here in SMRL's Beverage Research Lab realize that there is more to life than just drinking spocktails. It's important to have other activities. One such activity that we wholeheartedly support is dancing six or more hours to Trance music. So we have designed a drink to accommodate this. (More...)
"Gee, I wish I was older."
"So do I." (More...)
40 Acres, a Mule, and a Crummy 90-Second Spot on Weekend Update
Consider the plight of the Black Man. The Black Man on "Saturday Night Live," I mean. Has there ever been a more pathetic thing than a token unredeemed for 28 years? Where is the NAACP when you really need them? (More...)
This was an old standby back in my poor college days. Back then the goal was to get butt fucking wasted for as little money as possible. The problem was we hated dirt cheap beer - and some weekends, even Henry's was far more lucre then we could scratch together. So we invented Red. (More...)
It's not like I have a heroin problem, see. I'm just a self-indulgent brat who likes to live beyond her means. When I zip down to my corner Money Mart for a little cash-till-payday loan, I'm really not planning to spend it on drugs. I'll spend it on sushi. Seventy bucks of interest for a two-week $400 loan is perfectly reasonable, if you really need that hamachi. (More...)
