Build Date: Wed Jun 4 04:50:45 2025 UTC
I have enough hard alcohol in the house right now to get 5th SS Panzer Division tanked or the entire Senate (including those young cute female pages that Strom and Kennedy like) ripped. But I guess I can always use some more.
-- Johnnie Royale
Sen. John Glenn Reveals the Truth about UFOs
2001-03-10 01:38:37
"Back in those glory days, I was very uncomfortable when they asked us to say things we didn't want to say and deny other things. Some people asked, you know, were you alone out there? We never gave the real answer, and yet we see things out there, strange things, but we know what we saw out there. And we couldn't really say anything. The bosses were really afraid of this, they were afraid of the War of the Worlds type stuff, and about panic in the streets. So, we had to keep quiet. And now we only see these things in our nightmares or maybe in the movies, and some of them are pretty close to being the truth." - Senator John Glenn on NBC Tuesday, March 6, 2001.
OK, so he was appearing on Frasier, and it IS a comedy show, and his soliloqy into the camera, talking about "strange things," was a part of the comedy that did ensue, causing much laughter in the house.
Does NBC know how to fuck with believers in ayleens or what? Give that network credit! That show must have SERIOUSLY messed with some people's heads.
(Internal viewer monologue follows.)
"It's John Glenn! He was in space! He knows the truth."
"Omigawd. He's TELLING the truth. On camera, on NATIONAL TV."
"No wait, maybe it's just part of a joke, this IS a comedy show."
"No wait, it doesn't appear to have anything to do with the rest of the show."
"He really WAS just talking on camera! He had a moment to reveal the TRUTH, and HE DID!"
"Oh. Waitasec. This show is taped. It's owned by a big corporate network and THEY'RE PART OF THE CONSPIRACY THAT'S HIDING THE TRUTH. If what he was saying was true, they would have just edited it out."
"Now wait, it appears to be part of the show."
"No! John Glenn managed to WORK THAT IN. The pressure must've been too much, and he's revealing the truth. He just knows that the hammer won't come down if he makes it LOOK like a joke."
"No wait, maybe this is part of the government's plan to GRADUALLY REVEAL THE TRUTH! Yeah, that's it. First they made Independence Day, and then they slip details of what's going on to Chris Carter so he can work it into X-Files plot lines, now John Glenn is letting out little details on a comedy show! It's brilliant. When the Whole Truth is finally revealed, it won't be such a shock to most people."
"No wait, maybe it's just part of a joke, this IS a comedy show. I've been immersed in alien conspiracies so long, it's impaired my sense of humor. I CAN see the joke here. This IS funny. Ha ha."
"But maybe it's not."
"Maybe he worked it in as a joke, but he knows it's the truth, and he knows that there are people out here like me who will know it's the truth."
"Maybe I'm the only one who knows that this is the truth."
"Maybe that message was meant especially for me."
"OK, that's crazy-talk now man. THAT WAS JUST A JOKE. IT'S A COMEDY SHOW, FOR CHRIST'S SAKE. LAUGH DAMMIT. LAUGH."
"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"
T O P S T O R I E S
California Glory Hole attracts huge crowds
A glory hole at Napa's Lake Berryessa is drawing huge crowds. According to Chris Lee, the general manager for the Solano County Water Agency, the glory hole hasn't been active since 2019, and only restarted operations on Feb 4. (More...)
Republican State Senator busted after soliciting a teenage girl
Republican State Senator Justin Eichorn of Minnesota was arrested for soliciting a teen girl on Monday just hours after he introduced a bill proposing "Trump derangement syndrome" (TDS) as a form of mental illness. (More...)
Parents claim measles is not that bad after having only one child die
The parents of a Texas girl who died from the measles are defending their decision not to vaccinate their daughter. "She says they would still say 'Don't do the shots,'" an unidentified translator for the parents said. "They think it’s not as bad as the media is making it out to be." (More...)
Delusional rich man tries to fire town staff
"I'm mayor now" said write-in mayoral candidate and founder of Pirate’s Booty Snacks Robert Ehrlich after losing the election for Mayor of Sea Cliff, NY. Then he tried to take over the Village Hall and fire everyone. (More...)
Musk claims Xitter security is staffed by idiots
Earlier this month Xitter experienced a massive outage. In an interview, Musk told Fox Business that he believes the attack came from "IP addresses originating in the Ukraine area." (More...)
The Future Ain't What It Used To Be
Ideas have taken horrifying shape and rooted into our modern reality. (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
Hooray! At long last, a NEW Spocktail of the Week! Kid-tested, mother-approved! (More...)
Grow better illegal mushrooms than lousy "Psilocybe fanaticus"
Disclaimer: PaoTzu's a1 illegal mushroom cultivation cookbook is meant for educational purposes only. Be aware of the techniques used by hardcore criminals! Protect your children! Read, learn, educate. Do not try this at home. (More...)
It was early in May last year when I first heard about Spock Mountain Research Labs. I was working on a story about a Hungarian scientist's new approach to nucleopeptide synthesis when I got a call from my friend Albert. (More...)
It’s election night. My wife and I are holed-up in this hotel that my political party has rented out for the evening. Outside, people are being violently beaten for whom they voted for. Is this South Africa? Perhaps we’re in Haiti or some Southern state during the 60’s. Of all the places where this sort of thing happens, it’s mind-boggling that we are in Portland, Maine. (More...)
This week: another fine spocktail from the beverage researchers at SMRL! Drink it in peace, because WE DID THE RESEARCH! (More...)
The Walken / Country Bear Conspiracy
As has been recently reported in the PDJ, Christopher Walken, evil s00per villain extraordinaire, will be appearing next month in Disney's newest release, The Country Bear Movie. Always playing some wicked and very disturbed badass in movies like Sleepy Hollow, Illuminata, The Prophecy I, II, III, Pulp Fiction, Batman Returns, The Milagro Beanfield War, A View to a Kill, The Dogs of War, Heaven's Gate, and The Deer Hunter, Walken is unsuprisingly a big favorite in the PDJ news room. (More...)