Build Date: Wed Feb 11 18:30:26 2026 UTC
Our Man Zach: genial, Guinness-swilling Schweinhund since ere pig met dog
-- Thom 'Starky' Stark
Martian Dust-Up
2003-07-11 16:47:25
Something's happening on Mars, visible with even a small store-bought telescope. But NASA isn't saying what.
Thankfully, the dust cloud appears to be too large to be the dust-up from a missile launch, but still, one has to wonder what those Martians are up to. The Red Menace has been in hiding, and suddenly there's activity and they aren't hiding it from us. Could this be the test of some new doomsday weapon? The explosion from a power-generation experiment gone horribly wrong?
Speculation has run wild, but the flimsy cover story that NASA is feeding us—that this is just a natural dust storm—has raised suspicions that in fact this could be the result of covert U.S. Government action. Privately, some admit that if Saddam Hussein has in fact escaped to the Red Planet, that the U.S. would have no choice but to launch a preemptive interplanetary strike. Fortunately, Mars has not been granted admission to the United Nations and can be described as a "rogue planet," so no U.N resolution is required to pursue Saddam and his sons, Phobos Hussein and Deimos Hussein, beyond the ends of the planet.
The White House has declined to comment, so watch the skies! We don't know what could happen next.
T O P S T O R I E S
The Crossroads are real and The Blues is a place; The enduring myth of Robert Johnson (More...)
California Glory Hole attracts huge crowds
A glory hole at Napa's Lake Berryessa is drawing huge crowds. According to Chris Lee, the general manager for the Solano County Water Agency, the glory hole hasn't been active since 2019, and only restarted operations on Feb 4. (More...)
Republican State Senator busted after soliciting a teenage girl
Republican State Senator Justin Eichorn of Minnesota was arrested for soliciting a teen girl on Monday just hours after he introduced a bill proposing "Trump derangement syndrome" (TDS) as a form of mental illness. (More...)
Parents claim measles is not that bad after having only one child die
The parents of a Texas girl who died from the measles are defending their decision not to vaccinate their daughter. "She says they would still say 'Don't do the shots,'" an unidentified translator for the parents said. "They think it’s not as bad as the media is making it out to be." (More...)
Delusional rich man tries to fire town staff
"I'm mayor now" said write-in mayoral candidate and founder of Pirate’s Booty Snacks Robert Ehrlich after losing the election for Mayor of Sea Cliff, NY. Then he tried to take over the Village Hall and fire everyone. (More...)
Musk claims Xitter security is staffed by idiots
Earlier this month Xitter experienced a massive outage. In an interview, Musk told Fox Business that he believes the attack came from "IP addresses originating in the Ukraine area." (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
During a magnificent sunny day in a fast receding autumn, the Spock Science Monitor reporters once again blew the playa dust off of their computers and covered the 2002 Burning Man Decompression – held every year just east of Portola Hill in beautiful San Francisco. Both an afternoon and evening issues were released to the unsuspecting crowd of freaks attempting to in some small way experience the euphoria of the playa – if but for a brief afternoon far from the desolation of Northern Nevada. (More...)
The Liquidation of Hobo Junction
Albany, CA's homeless hooverville by the Bay, "Hobo Junction," is going to be torn down by The Man. Entrances are already being blocked off, and it's now difficult and dangerous to get there. Worse, these obstacles are making it hard to get to the nearby HORSE TRACK on foot. Local historian, Pao Tzu, has an overview of situation. (More...)
Paranoid Strippers & Psychotic Crack Dealers (Tales of Christmas Eve)
Christmas day, for the last 17 or so years has bored me. I find that the real fun and excitement always takes place on Christmas Eve. Every other year, it's the excitement of the metaphorical hunt instead of the kill. Otherwise, it's just plain bad craziness. (More...)
Experimenter is a film released in 2015 starring Peter Sarsgaard. It tells the story of Dr. Stanley Milgram's life, including the infamous Milgram electric shock experiment, tests on crowds, and his work developing a theory on the mechanics of social networks. It currently streams on Netflix. (More...)
