Build Date: Sun Feb 8 10:40:10 2026 UTC
I'd like a bumper sticker that says "Pillage Globally, Profit Locally."
-- Trevor 'Fuckhead' Johnson
Where No Caveman Has Gone Before
2002-04-06 18:06:01
Join the crew of the Enterprise as they "Flash" back into the pre-Bronze era and join Stonefleet on Stonedate 25,000 B.C.
Meet Captain James T. Kirkstone, the swaggering, ne'er-do-well, beer guzzling, woman chasing commander of the U.S.S. Magnetize and his First Officer Sprock, a Volcano by birth and the only member of the cavecrew to even remotely behave in a logical fashion.
Along with Chief Medial Officer Leonard "Fossil" RcKoy, who is in charge of the Magnetize's pre-Aesculapian healing department and liquor cabinet (and evidenced by the shiny red nose he always seems to have) and the kilt wearing Celt, Chief Engineering Montgomery "Shoddy" Shodd, who (usually) manages to keep the Magnetize's hybrid vegetable/mineral hull in one piece and prevent the magna/antimagma warped engines from erupting.
Lt. Hikaru Silu, Lt. Uhearya, Ensign Pavel Chipov and Nurse Christine Charcoal around out the cast of irregulars as the Helmsman, Communication Officer, Navigator and Nurse.
Six episodes currently await your viewing pleasure as our noble, if slightly bent, crew battles the trials and tribbles (a long promised episode) of outer space in its pre-vacuumed state era. Armed with geysers, communicating with clammunicators and delivered to planet surfaces via the transdropper, our heroes fight the evil Klingasaurus and Rockulans long before deep space puns were outlawed.
(Flash required)
T O P S T O R I E S
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California Glory Hole attracts huge crowds
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Republican State Senator busted after soliciting a teenage girl
Republican State Senator Justin Eichorn of Minnesota was arrested for soliciting a teen girl on Monday just hours after he introduced a bill proposing "Trump derangement syndrome" (TDS) as a form of mental illness. (More...)
Parents claim measles is not that bad after having only one child die
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Delusional rich man tries to fire town staff
"I'm mayor now" said write-in mayoral candidate and founder of Pirate’s Booty Snacks Robert Ehrlich after losing the election for Mayor of Sea Cliff, NY. Then he tried to take over the Village Hall and fire everyone. (More...)
Musk claims Xitter security is staffed by idiots
Earlier this month Xitter experienced a massive outage. In an interview, Musk told Fox Business that he believes the attack came from "IP addresses originating in the Ukraine area." (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
It was the night of the Leonid meteor showers -- the perfect opportunity to break out the evil opaline liquor, get madder than hatters, and test wireless ethernet hardware... Would the plunging meteorites interfere with the 2.4GHz band? What about our delicate brain waves? (More...)
Our team of crack journalists went insane, and made the drive from Concord, California to Concord, New Hasmpshire on Interstate 80. Read the insightful observations of our intrepid travelers made on their journey into the heartland. (More...)
Clowns Take on God in Mysterious Annual Ceremony
Last Sunday's (the 6th) Grimaldi Service at a small church in East London was a red-letter day for clowns worldwide. About a hundred old-school red-nosed clowns made the sombre trip to darkest Dalston to pay their respects to clowns who died in the last year and to thank God for the gift of laughter in a bizarre ceremony presided over by the eccentric Reverend Clown Roly, resplendent in a garish red lumberjack shirt with oversized gold lapels. (More...)
It was Friday night at the Casa de Baron and everything was in place -- a group of friends had assembled, people were setting things on fire in the backyard, and a Ferry Corsten double-live CD was playing on the stereo. Everything was in place to make further scientific advances in beverage research and leisure technology. (More...)
Last week I had eye surgery and it was certainly one of the least enjoyable episodes of my life. Eye Surgeons like their patients to be conscious enough so that they can move their eyes to the proper position during surgery. (More...)
This week: another fine spocktail from the beverage researchers at SMRL! Drink it in peace, because WE DID THE RESEARCH! (More...)
