Build Date: Thu Dec 5 22:20:13 2024 UTC
Canadia should be dissolved and given to the Tongans.
-- Master Squid
Fear and Loathing on Planet Arkuat
2017-12-15 11:46:01
"I'd finally found Arkuat. Locked in a remote cabin, he was scrawling out his manifesto, where beer bottles shimmered over scattered bits of technology. I'm pretty sure he was building exploding duck decoys..."
"I was never sure if he knew I was there. But I started transcribing what he said, like a mad prophet. Yes, at one point I'd asked myself if he was just rambling drunkenly.
"But the more sobering thought was that maybe he'd seen too much, and was sending out a warning to us all." -- El Destino
The only real remedy I know against ancient earworms is a brand-new earworm. St Vincent just dropped a good one for me in Los Ageless.
Also, Peter Thiel appears to be human garbage.
I'm going to tell you a few things about Hunter S. Thompson's country. Hunter's country was the principal terrorist power on this planet since 20 years before I was born. And Hunter was born before I was.
"Alucard!"
Alucard is and has always been secret code for "I recognize that I am a citizen of the country that has been the principal terrorist power on this planet since long before I was born." That's why we say Alucard.
We recognize.
The starving babies in Yemen stand witness.
If you want to be a Pigdog journalist, you are going to have to bury your face in some shit, and if anyone pretending to tell you that there is a different way to be a Pigdog journalist, I will personally fight that motherfucker. I had a specific task in mind when I started giving lessons in being a Pigdog journalist. I did it for one reason, and one reason only. I did it specifically to piss you off.
I've been researching an article on Cambridge Analytica and Big Data. It's developing tentacles, but really, I'm working on my copy. Just so much research. You know about the SCL Group and the role it played in the Brexit campaign? Do you know what the Brexit shit is going to do to the border with northern Ireland? It's going to destroy the Good Friday Agreement!
I like how they use the word "audience"... Wouldn't we all love to have an "audience" like that?
Sweet, sweet Pigdog. Do not let me down in this time of general need. I believe that we have journalistic expertise to draw on within this Pigdog... You all know what we did in the '90s, but now our services are NEEDED. I've been shuddering lately with the realization of how we are going to have to expand and re-engineer the electrical distribution grid, also nuclear power plants, just to replace all of the fossil carbon we're going to have to stop burning. And I'm not even an engineer!
There is also this important matter of the liberation of psychedelic drugs. You guys know all about that, I'm sure, but we have been much too patient for far too long.
You know, ever since the election I've been feeling like a character in a Philip K. Dick novel. And let me tell you, brother, that is no kind of way to live.
I am goldbricking at my day job and listening to the Mothers of Invention perform the rock opera Billy the Mountain.
Have I mentioned that this last year I've been feeling like a character in a Philip K. Dick novel? And two years ago I didn't even know what that meant as well as I do now, because I read most of my Philip K. Dick in 2016.
For me, feeling like a character in a bad Dick novel means feeling a lot of paranoia that just doesn't seem necessary.
It feels ridiculous to me. Nonetheless, i continue to feel it.
I'm constantly perceiving surveillance all around me, as if I was living in East Germany in 1988. I try to dance and work with the surveillance. You know they record every utterance you declare to the world. We always speak with a double voice nowadays. We speak to our chosen audience and we speak to our surveillers, in a single speech. As the stereotype has it, the white man speaks with a forked tongue.
So, full disclosure, I was reading a book by a man that I'm pretty sure many Pigdogs are familiar with, Bruce Schneier. The book is called Data and Goliath. I recommend it to you all. His next book, that he's still working on, is about The Internet of Things.
I heard the working title is "Click on This to Kill Us All"
T O P S T O R I E S
The Once & Future King of Dust
Only The Onion could have acquired Infowarts. (More...)
Another Nobel Prize-Winning Author Describes Drunkenness
This book won a Pulitzer Prize. Here's its famous paragraph on getting drunk... (More...)
'Why I'm pretty sure JD Vance had sex with a couch'
True or false? The answers await us in that magical land where all truths are revealed -- the internet. (More...)
In 2010 Dr. Cheng-Huai Ruan discovered a way to cause a patient with an abnormal heartbeat to get back into a normal rhythm by sticking a finger up the patient's ass. (More...)
WKRP in Cincinnati aired from 1978 through 1982. Howard Hesseman played Dr. Johnny Fever, a DJ from Los Angeles who was fired from his previous job for saying the word "booger" on the air. In the show Hesseman would do some dialogue, introduce a song, and start the song. You'd hear a few notes, but never the whole song. (More...)
SF Hippies Can't Get Their Act Together
The annual 420 Hippie Hill event in Golden Gate Park, where large crowds of hippies, wannabe hippies, and hippie poseurs drape themselves in tie dye t-shirts and gather on a hill on 4/20 to smoke weed, was cancelled this year because the organizers couldn't get their act together. (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
During a magnificent sunny day in a fast receding autumn, the Spock Science Monitor reporters once again blew the playa dust off of their computers and covered the 2002 Burning Man Decompression – held every year just east of Portola Hill in beautiful San Francisco. Both an afternoon and evening issues were released to the unsuspecting crowd of freaks attempting to in some small way experience the euphoria of the playa – if but for a brief afternoon far from the desolation of Northern Nevada. (More...)
Three Days and 25 Spocktails: A Cautionary Tale
Johnnie Royale picked me up from the dental surgery. I felt warm, safe, cradled in the anathesia's loving embrace. The pharmacy downstairs gave me a bottle of Vicodin and a few instructions: take it with food, don't mix with alcohol, don't operate heavy machinery. I put it in my pocket and we left. "Do you want to go home, or do you want to go to a bar?" asked Johnnie. (More...)
It was early in May last year when I first heard about Spock Mountain Research Labs. I was working on a story about a Hungarian scientist's new approach to nucleopeptide synthesis when I got a call from my friend Albert. (More...)
About 14 years ago when I was on a road trip and stopped in Seattle, I was invited to a party. At this party there were these little tiny glasses sitting in a flat-bottomed bowl of ice. Thin cylinders about an inch in diameter and 4 inches tall, with thick glass at the bottom. Into these were poured frozen AKVAVIT... also known as the water of life. (More...)
Skunk School -- Learn Why Not To Keep Skunks As Pets
There is an alarming trend in pet purchasing habits this fall. People inspired by the WWII film, "Life is Beautiful" -- the one with that annoying Italian guy -- are buying descented skunks by the millions. (More...)
Spock Went, Spock Wrote, Spock Kicked Ass
Every Labor Day weekend a large portion of the PDJ staff joins 30,000 other freaks at one of the biggest and strangest art festivals in the world - Burning Man - somewhere on the edge of the Black Rock Desert. Our base of operations is always the ultra swank Spock Mountain Research Labs - the World Leaders in Beverage Science and Leisure Technology. This year, we hauled up our computers, printers and a massive digital duplicator, determined to become Black Rock City's third daily newspaper. Even Spock was surprised by our success - news will never be viewed the same on the playa. Read all seven issues of the 2002 Spock Science Monitor for yourself and see why. (More...)