Jerkcity comix


Have Sex? Get Stoned!
2002-04-19 20:49:28

Brain-Dead Judge Watch
If your 87 year old Aunt Edna all of a sudden started handing out fresh tabs of acid, would you complain about how embarrasing and un-hip Edna is with her rocking chair and Alzheimers n' all, or would you just shut up and enjoy this unexpected bounty...
-- Patient Joab


Wait, isn't that out of order?

Well, remind me not to ever have sex in Pakistan. I mean, yeah, probably everything would be OK because I'm a man and men almost never get tapped for this sort of thing, but, well, it's the principle of the thing. Besides, I don't think I could get it up in any country that pulls shit like this.

OK, here's the deal: a Pakistani woman named Zafran Bibi has been convicted of adultery and sentenced to death. That would be death by stoning.

Not that there is any good way to be killed, mind you, but stoning seems like a particularly unpleasant way to go. Maybe if it was one really big rock dropped on you, but that's not how this works. Stoning means a bunch of people stand in a circle around you and play "dunk the clown" with you except that instead of aiming at the little target they're throwing stuff at you directly. And there's no pool of water to fall into. And they aren't softballs or even baseballs that are being thrown. They're rocks. Or, well, stones I guess you might say.

Now anyone who has ever been hit by a rock can tell you it's no damn fun. Now multiply this again and again until you're dead. Yeah. Exactly. Not a good way to go.

And for what? She had sex with someone who wasn't her husband. I mean come on! If we applied that kind of law here in the States there wouldn't be any women left, just a bloody pool and some virgins.

Reading the news is going to ruin my whole Friday night. Remind me not to do this again.

Over.  End of Story.  Go home now.

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