Build Date: Wed Nov 12 12:40:11 2025 UTC
Well boys, I know where the edge is and you ain't on it... you retards you.
-- Johnnie Royale
Anal Flashlight Rape Protects Freedom
2006-03-01 20:42:05
Former Attorney General John Ashcroft said he makes "no apologies" for finding every legal way to protect the public, which includes anally-raping suspects with flashlights until their asses bleed.
This didn't happen in far away Abu Ghraib or Guantanamo Bay, suspects held in a federal detention facility in Brooklyn were shackled and then kicked and punched until they bled, a practice known as "torture". Guards also anally-raped one Egyptian man named Ehab Elmaghraby with a flashlight and tore him a new one. He was just awarded a $300,000 settlement from the federal government after he sued the government and won.
Many of the abuses were videotaped on prison cameras, and have been documented in a recently-released 2003 report made by the Justice Department's inspector general.
Mr. Elmaghraby was originally picked up because his landlord, who is also a Muslim, had applied for pilot's training many years prior to 9/11. When his wife, an American citizen, arrived at his first court hearing, an F.B.I. agent threatened to arrest her as well. Rather than be arrested, she left Elmaghraby.
Of the 762 known suspects who were rounded up and held in the detention center after 9/11, all have been cleared by the F.B.I. -- none were linked to terrorist activity. Of course clearing them didn't happen quickly -- it took more than a year to straighten out the snafu.
T O P S T O R I E S
California Glory Hole attracts huge crowds
A glory hole at Napa's Lake Berryessa is drawing huge crowds. According to Chris Lee, the general manager for the Solano County Water Agency, the glory hole hasn't been active since 2019, and only restarted operations on Feb 4. (More...)
Republican State Senator busted after soliciting a teenage girl
Republican State Senator Justin Eichorn of Minnesota was arrested for soliciting a teen girl on Monday just hours after he introduced a bill proposing "Trump derangement syndrome" (TDS) as a form of mental illness. (More...)
Parents claim measles is not that bad after having only one child die
The parents of a Texas girl who died from the measles are defending their decision not to vaccinate their daughter. "She says they would still say 'Don't do the shots,'" an unidentified translator for the parents said. "They think it’s not as bad as the media is making it out to be." (More...)
Delusional rich man tries to fire town staff
"I'm mayor now" said write-in mayoral candidate and founder of Pirate’s Booty Snacks Robert Ehrlich after losing the election for Mayor of Sea Cliff, NY. Then he tried to take over the Village Hall and fire everyone. (More...)
Musk claims Xitter security is staffed by idiots
Earlier this month Xitter experienced a massive outage. In an interview, Musk told Fox Business that he believes the attack came from "IP addresses originating in the Ukraine area." (More...)
The Future Ain't What It Used To Be
Ideas have taken horrifying shape and rooted into our modern reality. (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
My dear and close friend, Porn Maven Shannon Mariemont, sent me a titillating message the other day about her new project: the PornOrchestra. Her desire, at most, is to reinvent the porn soundtrack and, at least, to receive a cease-and-desist order like all her cool friends did last year. (More...)
During a magnificent sunny day in a fast receding autumn, the Spock Science Monitor reporters once again blew the playa dust off of their computers and covered the 2002 Burning Man Decompression – held every year just east of Portola Hill in beautiful San Francisco. Both an afternoon and evening issues were released to the unsuspecting crowd of freaks attempting to in some small way experience the euphoria of the playa – if but for a brief afternoon far from the desolation of Northern Nevada. (More...)
Pigdog brings you SETI astronomer Seth Shostak to bring you the truth about Ay-leens (More...)
Songs Of Love And Special Things
Well, dear reader, there's no denying it: Spring has sprung. The air is pungent with the fertile aroma of Romance. And you know what goes with Romance, don't you? That's right, Lover, porn. And not just any porn, but the kind you can sing along to. (More...)
It was early in May last year when I first heard about Spock Mountain Research Labs. I was working on a story about a Hungarian scientist's new approach to nucleopeptide synthesis when I got a call from my friend Albert. (More...)
Paranoid Strippers & Psychotic Crack Dealers (Tales of Christmas Eve)
Christmas day, for the last 17 or so years has bored me. I find that the real fun and excitement always takes place on Christmas Eve. Every other year, it's the excitement of the metaphorical hunt instead of the kill. Otherwise, it's just plain bad craziness. (More...)
