Build Date: Wed May 21 19:40:40 2025 UTC
You misspelled Freud, and you didn't understand the original joke. Go sit in the corner.
-- Tjames Madison
Naked Tits Save Lives
2006-11-20 09:13:11
In an effort to curb speeding in high-traffic areas, the Danes have hit on a new idea: beautiful half-naked women attract more attention than boring old street signs.
The Danes--inventors of the answering machine and Lego--have a problem. People keep speeding through their quaint city streets, spreading very un-Scandinavian mayhem and destruction. To combat this problem, the Danish Road Safety Council has begun hiring beautiful buxom women to call attention to speed limits. The ladies--known as the "Speed Control Bikini Bandits"--stand on the side of the road in the skimpiest of outfits holding speed limit signs. It's hard to ignore the speed limit when you can't take your eyes off the gorgeous topless woman pointing out that you are going too fast.
Will the new program curb speeding? Perhaps, but the opposite problem may occur: people slowing down to a crawl to gawk at the street signs. Heidi Svendson, head Bikini Bandit, says that she doesn't care what people think: "If people are slowing down, we have done our jobs, and since we are the world's best we will continue to do our jobs."
Hats off to Heidi and her Bikini Bandits, and here's hoping for a mild winter.
T O P S T O R I E S
California Glory Hole attracts huge crowds
A glory hole at Napa's Lake Berryessa is drawing huge crowds. According to Chris Lee, the general manager for the Solano County Water Agency, the glory hole hasn't been active since 2019, and only restarted operations on Feb 4. (More...)
Republican State Senator busted after soliciting a teenage girl
Republican State Senator Justin Eichorn of Minnesota was arrested for soliciting a teen girl on Monday just hours after he introduced a bill proposing "Trump derangement syndrome" (TDS) as a form of mental illness. (More...)
Parents claim measles is not that bad after having only one child die
The parents of a Texas girl who died from the measles are defending their decision not to vaccinate their daughter. "She says they would still say 'Don't do the shots,'" an unidentified translator for the parents said. "They think it’s not as bad as the media is making it out to be." (More...)
Delusional rich man tries to fire town staff
"I'm mayor now" said write-in mayoral candidate and founder of Pirate’s Booty Snacks Robert Ehrlich after losing the election for Mayor of Sea Cliff, NY. Then he tried to take over the Village Hall and fire everyone. (More...)
Musk claims Xitter security is staffed by idiots
Earlier this month Xitter experienced a massive outage. In an interview, Musk told Fox Business that he believes the attack came from "IP addresses originating in the Ukraine area." (More...)
The Future Ain't What It Used To Be
Ideas have taken horrifying shape and rooted into our modern reality. (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
The end of summer is near and sirens call of Black Rock City are beginning to summons Pigdoggers from all of the world to Burning Man. Spock Mountain Research Labs (SMRL), the world leader in beverage science and leisure technology will be at our second home for a week at 5:00 and Infant (how fitting) as we enjoy the liberated lifestyle of a temporary community 200 miles from nowhere... (More...)
Brother Wayne Lays Down the Truth
Flesh interviews Wayne Kramer of MC5. (More...)
What the hell is going on with Sony?
Is anyone else as confused as I am with what's happening with the Sony Playstation network hack? (More...)
An innocent trip to the Central Market resulted in a severe attack of arachnophobia (and a meal) when a depraved street kid set her vicious pet spider on an unsuspecting shopper. (More...)
Patient Joab's scientifick editorial discusses aspect of the space-time-beer continuum never before processed by sub-bush-robot minds!!! Too fabulantastic to contempulate! (More...)
This week: another fine spocktail from the beverage researchers at SMRL! Drink it in peace, because WE DID THE RESEARCH! (More...)