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Naked with a Cat
2001-10-06 13:40:55

The Nekkid Truth
I've been taking calcium/magnesium to stop my butthole from spasming... it works.
-- Paul Vortex


72 naked women; one cat. Do I have to tell you how disturbing this is?

A Venice, California webmaster is sharing his new twist on pornography. 24 pages, each displaying three different naked women -- holding a gray cat. ("I was saved from certain death by a kind but exploitive photographer," the cat explains in a 900-word essay.)

"The web is full of pictures of cats," noted the culture newsletter PopBitch. "And it is also full of pictures of naked women. But if you want loads of pictures of naked women holding a cat, then this is the only site for you."

It's so weird that it's almost disorienting. offers women details on how they can realize their own ambitions of posing naked with a cat. ("Calling all naked human females!" the cat cajoles.) The talkative and apparently quite literate feline even has a message for other creatures in the animal kingdom. "If you'd like to email me a picture of you...and your naked human female(s), I'll post the pictures on the site." But perhaps the most demented feature is a two-minute movie which I've dubbed "The cat, the women, and the bowling alley"... Women go to a bowling alley, then hike their tops up near a giant photograph of the forlorn gray cat. As bowling pins clatter in the background, blue-collar men pose with the women and their cat-shaped sign, sometimes groping their breasts. In the stirring conclusion, a large-breasted blond rubs her ass against the sign.

I think it was Suzanne Somers -- but I'm probably wrong.

One other movie on the site deserves special mention. Cradling a meowing cat, 21-year-old Katie shares a message with the site's fans. "Hey guys, it's me Katie...and I'm going off to prison today." Yes, "Federal Prisoner Katie's Special Page" reminds us that even women who pose naked holding cats can be swept up in this nation's senseless war on drugs.

Let's pause for a minute and think a kind thought for 21-year-old Katie. (You can even write her in prison! katie in prison @ hotmail . com)

Like I said, it's disturbing -- and I don't even want to think about the cat's viewpoint on all this. ("I like peace and tranquility and harmony--not naked human females," the cat complains on one page.) But that hasn't stopped the webmasters from offering pre-shrunk t-shirts with the home page's URL.

If you click on the 72 images, the site displays dozens more photos of each woman. (And there's even a couple where they AREN'T holding the damn cat!) But about the only thing positive I can say about the site is that it's very Los Angeles. It's a testimonial to the unsquelchable freaks that get spawned by a culture that values just exposure and hedonism.

Even Katie promises at the end of her video that she'll be out of prison in a few months -- and ready to shoot more photographs with the cat.

Over.  End of Story.  Go home now.

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